Ratings: PG to NC-17 depending on the chapter
Word Count: 4728 (this chapter)
Disclaimer: This isn't real. It's make believe, just for fun.
Warnings: Angst, cursing, sex.
Summary: Some times the road is really long and painful but so worth the bumpy ride.
Authors note: I ship Adommy and this is an Adommy fic. In real life I am all for Adam's and Tommy's happiness. No matter who they might choose to be happy with! I am NOT hating on Sauli, not even in this fic!
Beta: My wonderful friend I_Glitterz. Thank you so much honey!!
Tommy is so hurt and in pieces that there is no hiding it. The entire band and crew knows now. And as the caring family members they are, they form a protective ring around Tommy, they take care of him, comfort him and they always seem to be right there whenever Adam is near. They take care of Adam too, but in a different way. There is no right or wrong here, just love for two persons in a fucked up situation.
That is the way they get through the last two shows, and they seem happy on stage, maybe they even are, it is the place to pretend, so they do. But afterwards it hurts even more. And none of the guys know how they are gonna deal with time without each other or the Glamily, so they try to ignore the fact that Christmas is catching up on them fast. At some point Adam realizes that he has to get some alone time with Tommy to save what is left, so he comes up with a way to make that happen.
He closes the door behind him; his heart is pounding in its cage. He is scared of Tommy’s reaction, scared of hurting him all over again. Scared of getting hurt himself, but this is something that needs to be done, before it is too late.
Tommy is sitting on a chair, pulling his boot on, he looks up when he hears the door close. Adam. Tommy stops and meet Adam’s gaze. Damn it, this was supposed to get better, but the kiss they just shared on stage is still lingering on his lips, the scent of Adam still caught in his nostrils. And the fact that it isn’t going to happen again anytime soon is…… He can’t shake it off, and frankly he is getting tired of it. Love wasn’t meant to be like this, was it? If that is the case, he wished he wouldn’t have had that insane meeting with cupid’s arrow. Adam fiddles with his fingers.
“We need to talk Tommy.” Tommy nods; this probably can’t be avoided any longer.
“Yeah, I know,”
Adam walks over to Tommy and kneels down before him. He wants to take Tommy’s hand in his but that is a bad idea, so he doesn’t.
“I need to ask you something,”
“Do you think we can save this?…..can we be friends again? The way we used too?” Adam’s blue eyes are filled with concern and Tommy can see he is hurting too. Complete honesty is the only way to get back on track, Tommy realizes that.
“Adam….. I…… it is gonna take me awhile okay? Apparently falling out of love is a hell of a lot harder than falling in…..so please give me some time,” Tommy let out a sad little laugh. He gave everything away there, but Adam is so focused on Tommy’s lips that he misses it.
“So you think we can?” he has to ask, because fuck, it messes with him to be this close to Tommy.
“Maybe not as we used to. You have Sauli now and it isn’t good for me, to be as close as we used too. But I can’t imagine not being a part of each other’s life. Can you?”
Adam shakes his head; thank God that Tommy isn’t going to leave him all together. Now, he just needs to know exactly when he is going to see him again. That way he can handle the distance, or at least he thinks so.
“Will I see you at New Years? Will you come to my party?” Adam’s eyes beg for a positive answer.
“Of course,” Tommy closes his eyes, this is hard, so fucking hard. Adam sees that.
“Time?” Adam asks.
“Yeah, time,” Adam get up and with a long look on Tommy, he leaves. Tommy put his face in his palms, and right there he promises himself that it is time to move on. He has to let Adam go. And he needs to find happiness for himself, starting with today.
So when he shows up for Adam’s New Year’s party, he brings a date, he sure a fuck isn’t going to stand and watch Adam kiss Sauli at midnight. He is done torturing himself.
Adam doesn’t comment on the girl, he just accepts her presence, he knows he has no right to feel the jealousy burning in him. So he doesn’t show it, instead he decides to be the best fucking host in the whole god damn world.
Isaac pulls Tommy aside staring at him, “What the hell TJ? For real?? It isn’t like you playing fucked up games,” his voice leaves no questions about how disappointed he is with Tommy.
“Not playing,” Tommy defends himself.
“Then what is that chick doing here?” Isaac makes a suggestive bob with his head.
“She is my date!” Isaac just glares at him, waiting for Tommy to come up with something better.
“I’m trying to move on here, would you cut me some slack?!” Tommy is getting angry, he doesn’t need this bullshit.
“What the hell happened to fighting for him?” Isaac asks. Tommy resigns.
“He is happy, let’s leave it with that,”
“Happy?! God you are blind,” disbelieve is unmasked in his voice.
“No, just…..tired of feeling this way and trying to find my way out,” Tommy really sounds exhausted.
“Tommy,” Isaac sounds sorry now. Tommy turns his back on him and waves a hand in frustration.
The girl is good company, she is sweet, interesting to talk to and sexy as hell, and as the evening reaches the magic time where an old worn-out year turns into a brand new, Tommy doesn’t mind kissing her at all. He doesn’t exactly feel fireworks going off either, but what the fuck. Rebounds aren’t supposed too, are they?
Adam’s eyes keep wander in Tommy’s direction and Sauli can’t help but to notice. Nobody wants to be the second best, so being an honest and upfront person he confronts Adam the next day.
“What is it with you and Tommy? Are you in love with him Adam?”
“No, I just…” Adam squirms a little under Sauli’s gaze.
“Adam please, be honest with me, I don’t want to fall for a guy that is hung up on another. Don’t drag me around like that, I deserve better,” Adam sighs, he does, and he knows that. He fucking knows that. But he really doesn’t want to go down that road.
“Do we really need to do this now?”
“I think so,” Sauli just keep looking at Adam, no judgment in his eyes. He just wants an answer. Adam caves. Maybe it is about time.
“Tommy is…… the fucking man of my dreams, but there are so many reasons why I can’t be with him,”
“Like what?” this is one of the amazing things about Sauli, he is a friend too. And he wants to know Adam’s reasons, because they are Adam’s and he cares.
“He isn’t really gay, you know?! And even though he has feelings…. Or had as it seems to be, I fucked things up pretty damn bad, like totally. I blew it,” Sauli smiled a little at that.
“Does he know how you feel about him, have you told him,”
“Not exactly, no point to now, I guess…..” Adam palmed his face.
“Because he clearly moved on,” Adam thought that was pretty obvious since he was all over that girl yesterday.
“That wasn’t what I saw,” Sauli says
“No?” hope emerges in Adam’s voice.
“No,” Sauli looks at Adam, sees the hope that statement brings.
“Adam, how many times in life do you come across the man of your dreams??” Adam shrugs.
“Go get him! Don’t worry about me, I’m still your friend, just without benefits now as it is,” Sauli smiles a reassuring smile and gestures at the door. Letting Adam know that now, would be a perfect moment to act on his emotions.
And hour later, Adam is pounding at Tommy’s front door. Mike opens in a pair of boxers and a frown. Adam pushes past him without an invite to come in. No time to waste, this is fucking important. And has to be done before he loses his nerves.
“Tommy?” God, he just needs to see him, like now! Mike shakes his head trying to clear the fog of sleep.
“In his room sleeping,” Adam immediately walks towards Tommy room. Mike tries to stop him.
“Adam I wouldn’t go in the…re,” too late.
Adam opens the door. He is half the way to the bed before he realizes that Tommy isn’t the only one lying in it. Adam stops, paralyzed. He doesn’t even think about the fact that he was sharing a bed with Sauli this very morning, at all. He just feels betrayed.
He actually brought her back home??? What the fuck Tommy. He almost says it out loud, the only reason that he doesn’t is because he can’t. His throat is dry as hell and he feels like every breath is a struggle.
He slowly takes a step back, and another, without taking his eyes off Tommy. He looks peaceful with his ridiculously long lashes fanned out on his cheeks. He has one arm around the girl’s waist, one above her head. The comforter is covering them but Adam can see that Tommy has a leg over hers as well. Adam takes another step backwards and stumbles on something. The noise wakes the girl, Adam can’t for his life remember her name, and decides that it doesn’t matter at all. She looks at him puzzled.
“Adam?” clearly she remembers his. But Adam doesn’t feel like giving into a guilt trip. She is in Tommy’s bed for fucks sake.
“Yeah, don’t mind me I was just leaving, didn’t realize he had company,” she smiles and strokes Tommy’s arm gently.
“Babe, Adam is here,” Tommy grunts and snuggles a little closer. Adam take another step backwards, he is almost out now. Tommy opens his eyes, blinks. The light is hurting his eyes and he doesn’t really believe what he sees. Adam? He rubs his eyes and whispers.
“Adam?” Adam feels trapped,
“Yeah, I didn’t… I just needed to talk to you.”
“Oh,” Tommy rolls over, turning his back on Adam as he let his legs drop to the floor, he pushes himself up in sitting position, taking the comforter with him, the girl yanks it back.
“Hey, naked here!” Tommy reaches backwards and puts a hand on her hip and pats it.
Adam tries desperately to look away but his eyes are drawn to Tommy. It doesn’t matter that he is screaming on the inside and he feels like he is going to bleed out here in Tommy’s doorframe. He fucking can’t look away. Tommy bend over searching for his underwear and t-shirt, he finds the briefs first and pull them on. Adam almost moans out loud at the sight. Tommy turns to face Adam while he’s still looking for a shirt.
“On the chair,” the girl says. Tommy sends her a smile.
“Thanks!” he looks at Adam and gestures for Adam to lead the way to the living room.
Adam does as suggested.
The heartache is nearly killing him. He is jealous and angry. And the second they are in the living room he turns to watch Tommy. Tommy scratches his head, and look at Adam with a quizzical expression.
“So what’s up?”
“You brought her BACK?” Adam explodes. He just can’t hold it inside any longer.
“You have known her for like five minutes and you take her home!!!” Adam takes a step towards Tommy, fire burning in his eyes.
“What the hell, Adam?!” now Tommy is getting angry as well. Who the fuck does he think he is??
“I can’t believe it,” Adam hisses in an attempt to keep their voices down. Now Tommy is royally pissed.
“Hey, watch it. You have no fucking rights to come here pretending to be the jealous boyfriend, you gave up that right when you went to Paris with Sauli. You have a fucking boyfriend! You didn’t want me!” Tommy walks over to Adam, jamming a finger into his chest. His eyes are almost black with disbelief and rage.
“Not true….” Adam tries to defend himself, but Tommy doesn’t let him finish.
“Like hell it is!”
“…..And I don’t have a boyfriend!” Adam continues. Tommy stops his verbal attack for a second.
“I’m not with Sauli….. anymore,” Adam says, his eyes begging Tommy to understand. But all Tommy senses is that he finally let himself move on, and this is what Adam throws at him.
“So, you thought I could be the consolation price, FUCK YOU ADAM,” Tommy is yelling now, damn it he won’t go through this again. Adam yells back.
“No, I came here to tell you that I love you! And this is what I find!”
“Let me ask you this! Did you leave or did he?” Tommy sighs heavily trying to calm down.
“He did, but that is not important,” Adam tries to clarify
“NO? How the fuck isn’t that important?” Tommy hisses.
“No, because….” Adam reaches out for Tommy’s hand. Tommy pulls back.
“Don’t even want to hear it,” Tommy says. He turns his back on Adam and leaves him standing in the middle of the room.
“You know the way out,” he says over the shoulder. He is done, he has had enough.
Adam stands there for about a minute, frozen. Mike walks over and put a hand on his shoulder.
“Yeah,” Adam says. Fucking life is a bitch. Adam shrugs his shoulders and silently he leaves. Fuck it hurts, but what is he supposed to do?
“Hey,” Mike leaned onto the doorframe, looking at Tommy. He is sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. He doesn’t look up to meet Mike’s look. The girl is collecting the last of her stuff and is getting ready to leave. No point in staying, Tommy clearly isn’t good company right now.
“Hey,” Tommy’s voice comes out low and broken.
“So he is gone now,” Mike keeps looking at Tommy who doesn’t seem to react. The girl leans down and kisses Tommy on the hair. And whispers a goodbye, Tommy barely notice that she leaves. Mike walks over and sits down next to Tommy.
“You do realize that he just told you that he loves you, right?” Tommy raises his head and look at him but tries to hide the fact that he is feeling angry as well as miserable. Because yeah. He does realize. Mike has known him way too long for that to succeed.
“I will fucking quote him if I need to Tommy, he just said what you have been longing to hear for God knows how long and you showed him the door?! What the fuck is wrong with you?” Tommy shrugs his shoulders.
“He also told me he just got dumped!”
“And?” Tommy sends Mike a glare that would make most men back down. Mike however, laughs cynically at Tommy.
“Will you get off that high horse right about now?!” Tommy frowns and falls back onto the bed, and a desperate sound escapes him. He covers his eyes with an arm.
“What are you still doing here? Go after him, fix this or I will kick you where you’re highest when you’re picking strawberries!!” Mike gets off the bed.
“I fucking mean it Tommy!”
“I know! Give me a minute asshole and then I will,” Tommy pushes off the bed and finds some clean clothes and head for the bathroom. There is no chance in hell that he is showing up on Adam’s God damn doorstep looking like something the cat dragged in.
“Good,” Mike victoriously smiles as he leaves the room.
Tommy holds his breath in for a couple of seconds before releasing in a heavy sigh. Come on you pussy, just ring the fucking bell! His hand shakes a little as he finally gets the nerves to do so. He leans his head to the door hoping Adam isn’t home but at the same time desperate for him to be.
Tommy hears noises and just in time he pulls back. The door opens and there he is, Adam fucking Lambert looking gorgeous as always but also guarded, like he is protecting himself from hoping that whatever is going to come out Tommy’s mouth is going to be good.
“What are you doing here?”
“Can we talk, please?” Tommy sneaks under Adam’s arm and into the hallway uninvited. Like fuck if he is going to have this conversation in public. Adam closes the door and turns his back on it. Leaning, as if it too much effort to stand by himself.
“I thought you said what you wanted to earlier!” it comes out an accusation and it is. Tommy knows that too.
“Adam,” he softly whispers. Adam meets his gaze and it is full of sadness, pain and love. Suddenly Tommy feels like the biggest asshole in the world, hell maybe even the universe. But he has to ask, he needs to know. Desperately.
“I need to know one thing,” he says in a low shaky voice.
“What?” Adam sounds defensive and Tommy looks away as he asks.
“Did you mean what you said?” complete silence fills the room for a minute.
“Every word,” That tone is still there so Tommy looks up, but doesn’t exactly meet Adam’s eyes. He is terrified to do so.
“Have I lost you? Did I go too far today?” Tommy sounds so genuinely lost and sad that Adam lets his guard down. He steps forward and cups Tommy’s face with both hands, forcing Tommy to look at him.
“No of course not! I’m yours if you’ll have me. I’m in love with you,” Hope jolts its way into Tommy’s eyes and his lips curl. Fuck he loves the sound of that. Adam pulls Tommy close and even though Tommy really want to keep staring into those pools of endless blue he closes his eyes and surrenders to Adam’s kiss. And fuck! What a kiss.
Adam kisses him slowly and thoroughly, slow firm strokes against Tommy’s tongue, gentle bites. My god it is sensual and sizzling, scorching hot. Tommy can barely keep himself upwards he feels like his bones left his body and he clamps on to Adam as if his fucking life depends on it. Thank God Adam seems to be able to keep them from tumbling down the fucking floor. Tommy breaks the kiss grasping for air. He can hear his own heartbeat and he is so fucking turned on that it hurts. He takes Adam’s hand leading it to his dick throbbing and restrained behind way to tight pants.
“You kiss me! And this is what happens! Will you put me out of my fucking misery?? Any time soon??” Adam swallows thickly and palms him. He can’t believe that he is the reason for Tommy looking this needy, this sexed up. Adam put a little more pressure into it and Tommy throws his head back, his hair whips away from his face and a loud moan escapes him. Adam can’t resist that exposed neck, so he licks Tommy all the way from the collar bone to the soft sensitive skin right below the ear. Tommy is panting and he trembles in Adam’s arms. Adam has never seen anything this beautiful as Tommy pliant and weak in his embrace. He fucking looks like pure sex on legs.
“Please….Adam,” Tommy’s voice is needy and hoarse. Adam smirks against Tommy’s ear; the exhalation of Adam’s moist breath sends shivers down Tommy’s spine. God he wants this, more than anything in his fucking life.
“Please what Tommy, what do you want?” Adam whispers into his ear, and that damn near throws Tommy over the edge. He drags Adam away from his jaw line and look into those blue, blue eyes, pupils blown wide open. Tommy loves what he sees.
“Fuck. You. I want you!” Adam dives for another mind blowing kiss. Tommy breaks it.
“Stop?” Adam returns to littering kisses along Tommy’s jaw line. He wants to taste every fucking piece of him.
“Yes, fuck, not here….” Tommy closes his eyes. Damn it is hard to concentrate like this. “You’re gonna make me come like a fucking teen in my pants if we don’t slow it down a bit,” Adam let out a soft laugh and scrapes his teeth against Tommy’s neck, making his breath hitch. Adam craves that sound.
“You got a bed right?” Tommy sincerely tries to keep it together, fighting the need for release.
“Yeah I’ve got a bed,” Adam pulls back. A bed isn’t a bad idea at all. He takes Tommy’s hand and somehow they stumble their way into the bedroom. Once in, Tommy pushes Adam into the bed. Not particularly gentle but very needy.
“Tommy what the fuck?” Adam laughs. Tommy launches himself onto Adam and in a blink of an eye, he got him undressed. It is hectic and chaotic and so, so sexy. Tommy stops to stare. Adam is fucking big and Tommy feels his mouth water. He wants to taste so badly. Adam is tugging at Tommy’s t-shirt. Tommy pulls it off in a frustrated movement. Adam’s hands get busy with undoing Tommy’s belt, but Tommy slaps his hands away.
“I wanna touch you to,” Adam complains. Tommy pushes Adam down into the bed.
“Shut up, I wanna do this right!” Tommy says as pushes Adam’s legs apart and settles between them. He licks his lips, not totally sure how to proceed. He shrugs his shoulders; figures that if he tries to do what usually gets him off, it will be okay. He will learn. He takes a hold of Adam, letting the feeling of Adam’s cock in his fucking hand wash over him. Adam gasps and thrust his hips upwards. Tommy smirks, so far so good.
“You like that?” Tommy bows down and let his tongue trail from base to head. Adam hands turns to fists gripping the sheets tight. That is fucking Tommy Joe on his dick.
“Uh huh,” is all he manages.
Tommy lazily strokes Adam as he lets his tongue explore the taste of Adam. Reality beats the shit out of fantasy, that’s for sure.
“Tell me how you want it, let me know,” Tommy finally close his lips around Adam and takes him in. Adam squirms under him. Tommy watches him closely. He let a hand wander up to circle a nipple and then he squeezes is gently. Adam arch his back in pleasure and his hands reach for Tommy’s hair. He pulls it, making sure that Tommy knows what he needs. Tommy sucks down again.
“Mmm that is soooo good ….Tommy,” it is barely words coming out of Adam’s mouth but it doesn’t matter, the message is received loud and clear. Tommy lets go of Adam with a little pop, his hand continue working its magic.
“Yeah, let me hear you,” Adam whimpers in return and his fucking toes curl. He is a mess, a whimpering, quivering mess and so close to an orgasm, there might be bigger than life.
“I wanna hear you scream my fucking name when you come,” Tommy says because that might be the only thing that could make this even better.
“Shit, you’re beautiful like this. Come for me babe,” Tommy feels Adam’s balls curve up and knows that Adam is just about to fly off the cliff, so he takes him in his mouth again, knowing that is what will make it happen. Adam pulls Tommy away just in time to release himself on to his stomach. And he really does cry out Tommy’s name over and over again. Tommy looks at Adam mesmerized, he kisses his way up to him, and when he finally reaches his destination, Adam is coming around again.
“Hi,” Tommy whispers against Adam’s lips. Adam smiles a slow hazy smile.
“Hi, you do realize that it is my turn now, right?”
“Kinda counting on it,” Tommy licks his way into Adam’s mouth. Hands starts to wander, explore. Adam lovingly shoves Tommy on his back. He has his mind set on making this slow and amazing. He is going to show Tommy a world of wonders. Making sure he never wants to leave this bed again.
Adam’s kisses are driving Tommy insane with pleasure, but Adam’s fingers gently caressing and finding all Tommy’s weaknesses, are way more dangerous. Tommy can’t remember ever been this turned on before, he is shaking for fuck’s sake. Adam straddles Tommy, forcing him to stay still. He pulls Tommy’s arms over his head and holds them there for a minute. Then he turns his attention to Tommy’s pants. He slowly unbuttons them, Tommy thrust up against Adam’s hands but Adam just smirks at him.
“Patience. You were the one asking me to slow down,” he pushes Tommy’s hips down and unzips Tommy’s pants and slowly wiggles them off him.
“Fucker,” Tommy reaches out for Adam. Damn he wants to touch. Adam grabs his hands and put them back over his head.
“Hey!” Tommy complains. Adam kisses him wickedly and intense and Tommy can’t even respond properly, he is that dazed. Fuck, Adam and that tongue and those fucking lips.
“Keep them there, otherwise I’ll tie you up I swear to God,” Adam laughs softly and teasingly.
“Don’t care who you swear to! Atheist here!” Tommy says because like hell if he wants to touch, he fucking will.
“Let me do this for you,” Adam says in a low soft voice between kisses and Tommy surrenders. What else can he do, really? Adam work his way down and finally he reaches the soft sensitive skin on the hips. Long wet strokes with that tongue nearly ends Tommy.
“Oh God are you trying to kill me,” Tommy tries to the best of his ability to breathe slow and deep enough to make a statement out of it, but comes out shattered and broken, because fuck he is close to losing it completely. Adam sucks on Tommy’s balls and runs a fingertip gently over his hole. He lets his tongue, teeth and hot wetness of his mouth attack Tommy’s twitching dick, making Tommy moan and write.
“Adam….. Adam….. Adam…. Adam,”
Tommy’s eyes are closed and his hands are holding firmly onto Adam’s shoulders, there will be bruises tomorrow, but Adam doesn’t care, he will happily carry any mark Tommy put on him. The blowjob is wet and sloppy but it is the most amazing thing Tommy ever experienced and even though he wants it to last forever, like a fucking eternity, he knows he won’t last longer, he tries to warn Adam.
“Fuck, shit Adam I’m gonna….” Adam knows, he fucking knows and swallows Tommy’s jizz.
Tommy smells like sex. Beautiful, fucking amazing sex and he even looks like sex. Adam lets himself rest next to him drawing slow lazy caresses on Tommy’s gorgeous body.
"Looking at me," Tommy mumbles.
“Not looking, gazing, whole other deal,” Adam smiles and kisses Tommy’s shoulder.
“Can’t, you’re beautiful,” Adam smiles, he is so fucking happy.
“Am not,” Tommy hides his face in the pillow, embarrassed as hell.
“But you are, to the point of heartbreak,”
“Shut up, don’t need to sweet talk me,” Tommy scoots over to Adam. Needs to be closer.
“But I want to sweet talk you,” Tommy kisses Adam seductively.
“Save your strength for round two,” Adam raises an eyebrow.
“Round two?” Tommy nods.
“You didn’t think I would let you out of bed today, did you?” he smirks at Adam.
“God, I hope not!” Adam gently swipes Tommy’s hair away so he can look him in the eyes.
“Gonna keep me?” Tommy asks, he’s not kidding. This is a deathly serious question. Adam sees it, hears it. And his heart swells to the point of breaking. God, he loves this wonderful man.
“Forever and ever!” Tommy lets go of the breath there was restrained in his lungs. Relief, pure and simple. His face breaks in a sensual smile and he cuddles even closer, content and happy so, so happy.