Title: The Silence of the Night.
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Word Count: ~20,000. This chapter: 3,699
Disclaimers: The people you might recognize in here are NOT mine. I'm not making any profit, I'm only doing this for fun. There's no way this ever happened and so on.
Beta: aislinntlc Thank you for all your wonderful help.
Type: Romance with just enough angst to make it good.
A/N: I had some really incredible cheerleaders on this fic!!! I love you all dearly! And I couldn’t have done it without you! So THANK YOU!!!
Summary: A candle flickers softly and helps making the sound of the rain drumming against the window cozy. The light from it caresses Tommy’s face on the pillow; shadows and light move together and Adam follows their caress with one of his own. A content smile tugs at the curve of Tommy’s lips as he drifts off to sleep.
Getting up on an elbow with a hand under his cheek Adam gazes at him, and before he can even think about holding it back he whispers, “You’re so beautiful.” Somewhere in Tommy’s subconscious the words must reach him because his nose scrunches a little, like he’s denying Adam’s words just as he would be doing it if he were awake. Adam’s smiles lovingly and because he knows it’s safe, that Tommy is too far into dreamland to really notice he continues.....
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“We got so many things out of the way that night. And you were right, even though we didn’t say it out loud then, the band knew right away. I blame you and your cuddliness for that, though.” Adam’s words carries warmth and love. Lots and lots of love. His fingers follow the patterns of Tommy’s ink. Feathery light and unconsciously teasing until Tommy moves, puts a leg over Adam’s thigh, getting closer and Adam feels the heat from Tommy when he moves his hips restlessly against Adam’s hip.
A smirk finds its way to Adam’s face and his caresses grows a little bolder but he keeps talking softly to Tommy. “The only thing we promised and failed to keep was the taking things slow. I’m not complaining, not at all. The last three months have been amazing. It seems like this, us, has been the easiest thing in the world. I guess we already knew each other so well and it eased the road once we got on the track but it doesn’t mean there weren’t any insecurities. Sometimes I worry. But last night pretty much made it all go away.”
“You’re awful quiet.” Tommy squeezes Adam’s knees lightly, urging him to tell what is on his mind. When Adam doesn’t comply right away Tommy turns a little bit in the car seat “What’s wrong honey?”
“Nothing. It’s…” Adam pauses trying to find the words to explain the nervousness strumming through him. Failing miserably he shots Tommy a quick glance. “Nothing.”
Tommy does a little head shake and laces his fingers with Adam’s before saying in the most loving and patient tone of voice, “They’re not gonna bite you. Relax, you’ve already met them all before.”
Adam huffs out a sigh. “Yeah but that was as your boss, friend. Now…”
“You’re the one putting lovestruck smiles on my face and shit.” A mild laughter follows Tommy’s words and Adam echoes it. “Yeah.”
“Mom’s opinion of you hasn’t changed Adam. She wants me to be happy and as long as you’re making me that she-- you’re welcome there.” Tommy assures him.
Turning on the turn signal before driving up to the curve of Dia’s house Adam tries to fight off the looming feeling of not being what Dia wants for her son. “I wish I could explain this to you. I feel a bit like a teenager. I guess it’s because it’s the first time you’re bringing home a boy.”
Adam waits for Tommy’s answer but it doesn’t come before the car comes to a stop. “She’s happy for us. Please believe that.”
Adam nods and closes his eyes, mentally preparing himself for spending the day with Tommy’s family. Warm fingers turn his head a little and soft lips caress his lovingly, and he opens his eyes to meet Tommy’s, who whispers, “Come on, you can do this.”
Getting out of the car they immediately get greeted by Dia’s excited voice. “Tommy!” She pulls her son into what seems like a bone crushing hug which Adam quite frankly is impressed by, considering the woman’s tiny frame. “Mom.” Tommy’s happy laughter only seems to keep him in the hug longer and Adam can’t help the huge smile breaking on his face. Dia releases her hold on Tommy and in a fond tone she pulls Adam in for a hug as well. “Adam, it’s good to see you again.”
Some of the nervousness dissipates and Adam hugs her back with the same dedication. “Hi Dia.”
The entire first hour spent in casa Ratliff, Adam still has that damn nervous energy floating around in him and he very much appreciates that Tommy stays by his side the whole time. It also helps a great deal that Tommy isn’t holding anything back, he’s his own cuddly self and no one seems to pay extra attention to that. The conversation is free and easy and Adam can feel himself loosen up and start enjoying the chatter around him.
At some point Tommy’s cousin shows up, bringing three kids in age from four to eight and they whisk Tommy away immediately, leaving Adam with a glass of red wine and the joy of watching Tommy play pirates with them in his old tree house in the back of the garden.
Lost in his own thoughts he doesn’t hear Dia before she is standing right behind his chair and her proud voice surprises him. “Look at him. Such a natural, I remember Ron being so awkward around kids right up to the day he got his own. Where Tommy gets it from I don’t know. He’s always been like that and it doesn’t matter if it’s an infant, toddler or a teenager, he instinctively knows how to be around them.”
Because he’s just realized the same thing, along with the fact that because of their relationship Tommy might never have kids of his own; Adam looks up at her and stutters. “I … I’m sorry.”
Dia tilts her head a little and looks at him quizzically, searching in the exact same way as Tommy would do. “For what Adam?”
“For the possibility of ruining his chance of becoming a father… and you a grandmother.”
Dia smiles and puts a tiny hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry about that, I’ve got a beautiful daughter, too. You’re that serious about him?”
Adam swallows and nods before telling Dia something he hasn’t even told Tommy yet, at least not in those words. “I love him.”
“Oh I never doubted that Adam. I just didn’t realize-- Does he know?”
Dia grabs a chair and put it next to Adam’s, looking at Tommy. “That you love him enough to spend the rest of your life with him. That is what we’re talking about here isn’t it?”
“Um, yeah.” Sipping his wine he tries to buy himself some time, because Dia is so very direct, and because he feels she needs him to tell the truth as much as he needs to tell it. “I think that maybe he does, yeah. We’ve never talked about it, though. With actual words, I mean, more than agreeing we both want it to work, that we’re serious about each other. The weird thing is that often we communicate much better non-verbally but I’m sure he knows I love him. He knows I love him.”
Rolling her eyes Dia scolds Adam fondly. “Boys! That doesn’t mean he doesn’t need to hear the words. Don’t you?”
She hit the head on the nail there, Adam knows that. “Yeah.”
“So what’s holding you back?”
“Things like this, seeing him play pirates with his cousin’s kids, knowing that I might be the one that ruins that option for him. I don’t want him to ever feel like he’s missing out on something. The thought of not being enough for him, is pretty damn scary.”
Dia looks at Adam and with a soft smile she puts him straight. “He wouldn’t be with you if you’re not what he wants. Love him back and you’re enough Adam, and truth be told I don’t think I’ve seen him this in love in years. But I think I understand. You’re scared that at some point he’s going to regret it and blame you.”
Adam twirls the last of his wine in the glass thoughtfully before drinking it. “Yeah something like that. It’s just-- I’ve known since I was a teenager that limitations followed in the wake of being gay. Kids and marriage being some of them. This is all so new to him and I’m concerned that he jumped in, head first, without really thinking this through. That one day he’s going to wake up thinking ‘what the hell did I get myself into?’”
Loud squeals and laughter coming from the tree house makes the both of them look, and a minute goes by where they just sit and watch Tommy losing his fight with the pirates. Dia breaks the silence. “I hate to be the one to tell you this but I don’t think you’re the first man he’s ever been with, and I don’t think he walked into this blinded by love. He’s always been one to follow his heart, yes. Look at his choice of school, his determination towards making music his career and so on, and granted, he can be very passionate about things but he’s also very rational and he’s a smart boy.”
The smart boy makes his escape from the tree house sword/stick fighting backwards down the ladder, growling “I’ll never surrender,” even as he helps the four year old down. Adam can’t keep his eyes from him, though he listens carefully to Dia when she goes on. “There are no promises on how tomorrow looks but-- Adam you’re,”
Adam tears his gaze from Tommy and looks at Dia, who locks their gazes “I knew the first time he spent an entire meal yapping about you that you touched something in his heart, something he’d closed off and put a lock on years before he met you.”
That actually makes Adam blush, but when he tries to redirect his eyes Dia keeps him there with her next words. “I’d say you have every reason to trust in him, his love. I’m not saying I knew that he was falling in love with you, back then. But I know my son, at times I know him better than he knows himself, and I wasn’t one damn bit surprised when he came home to Ron’s funeral, confessing his feelings for you.”
Adam blinks, stunned. “He told you at--”
Dia shakes her head. “No, but that same day late at night. I think it was important for him, when you lose a loved one you kind of learn how important it is to live your life while you have it and yeah… He told me.”
“Wow I didn’t know that. I thought Mike was the only one he told.”
Dia laughs. “He tells Mike everything.”
“Apparently his mom too,” Adam adds.
“From what I hear you can’t really complain about telling mom’s, can you?” Dia teases before a more serious tone enters her voice. “I hate to admit it but sometimes when Tommy talks about Leila I get a little bit jealous. It’s so clear that he loves her and that the feeling is mutual. And she gets to spend so much time with you two.”
Adam nods, letting her know he understands. “Mom adores him. Neil does- oomphh” Adam somehow manages to throw his arms around Tommy fast enough to catch him and hold on to him when he lands on his lap out of nowhere.
“Oh my God, help me. They’re killing me,” Tommy laughs into the crook of Adam’s neck. Three wild pirates stands ready to attack the second their favorite playmate gives up on his sanctuary.
Lisa who has won the kitchen duty, mostly because she loves it, calls out from behind them. “That’s enough kids, all pirates need to go wash up, you too Tommy. Dinner is served.” Adam laughs when Tommy does his best pout and leads the way to the bathroom.
Going inside, Adam puts an arm around Dia’s shoulder and thanks her quietly.
Later that evening when the house has become quiet and the crickets dominate the sounds coming from the garden and Adam has Tommy cuddled against his side, Lisa looks at her brother with a secretive smile. “What?” Tommy demands and pokes her thigh with a foot.
Lisa sends her husband a ‘can I?’ look and gets a nod. She returns her attention to Tommy again. “We’ve decided it’s time to make an uncle out of you.”
Later Adam will swear only dogs could hear the noise Tommy made, so freaking high pitched is it. “Really?? Christ Lisa, that’s so fucking awesome.” A second later Adam is without Tommy who has moved to put a hand on Lisa’s stomach. “Are you?” he asks in obvious wonder.
Adam shoots Dia a worried look but she just shakes her head, silently telling him not to freak out, to have faith in Tommy. Adam answers with a tiny smile.
“No silly! Not yet.” Tommy moves his hand away with a disappointed look on his face and Lisa explains. “I just wanted to tell you now, face to face instead of calling you or texting you while you’re somewhere on the road and possibly giving you a heart attack. Now you’ll expect it and the poor people living on the bus with you won’t suffer the same hearing loss we just did when we can tell you the good news.”
“Oh they will!” Tommy assures her. “I’m so happy for you. I was starting to wonder if wonderboy over there knew what or how to do.” Adam groans and Lisa’s husband laughs and flips Tommy off. Looking back and forth between Lisa and Adam Tommy says. “Damn I’m gonna spoil that kid so much you have no idea.”
“Oh I think I do,” comes flatly from Lisa which makes them all laugh.
On their way back to Adam’s house Adam can’t hold it back any longer. “I need to ask you something.”
Warily Tommy asks, “Why don’t I like the sound of that?”
Adam won’t meet Tommy’s searching gaze, eyes on the road ahead he starts what he hopes will evolve to an actual question at some point. “Seeing you today…with the kids. How you are with them, how they respond to you,” Adam pauses for more than a second this time and with a knowing tone Tommy says “Oh. I see.”
“Um?” Adam sneaks a quizzically look a t Tommy, who looks very open and a little bit vulnerable.
Clearing it up for Adam Tommy explains. “I do want kids someday and preferably before I’m too old to really enjoy them.”
“Yeah?” Adam suspects that he wasn’t able not to sound as guarded as he feels.
Tommy proves him right because the carefully measured way he asks Adam “Don’t you? One day?” does very little to disguise the hope for the positive answer.
Adam fears he’s about to break Tommy’s heart and he suddenly wants to stop this conversation at least until they get home. “Tommy,” Adam says in a resigned tone.
Shaking his head vigorously Tommy says. “Don’t you Tommy me, you brought it up. It’s not like it’s a dealbreaker or anything. If you don’t want kids just tell me and we’ll go from there.”
That should bring ease to Adam, but instead he gets frustrated that Tommy seems to think getting a kid is an easily fixed thing. “You say that like getting a kid is the easiest thing in the world. In case you haven’t noticed…. You can’t exactly get pregnant baby.”
“That’s what this is about? Adam I realize there’s paperwork, money and legal issues connected to getting a child when you’re in a gay relationship, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be done.”
Adam frowns because it sounds like Tommy’s put some thought into this. “So you’d be fine with not passing on your genes?”
“If it means that I’ll have you and a kid, hell yes. If it means I’ll “only” have you, hell yes!” Tommy sounds like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “Though, I might insist on stealing Lisa’s kids as often as possible,” he adds with a laugh.
“You thought about this.”
“Of course I have. I also happen to know what states to elope to if you, sometime out in our bright future, decide to ask me the big question.” Tommy smirks and wiggles his eyebrows.
“Jesus Tommy,” Adam says, the happiness he feels about all this radiating through his voice. “The things you make me want.”
Tommy’s eyes get darker and his voice oozes sex. “As long as it starts with your dick shoved far up my ass as soon as we get home, we’re good.”
Adam groans; when Tommy talks like that Adam can’t fucking control his body. Pure lust pools dark and liquid in his groin. “Fuck, baby.”
“That’s the general idea, yeah.”
God, Adam loves this man; he just needs to figure out how to actually say it to him.
“I think… I really do think we’re going to make it. Grow old and grumpy together and I think it might be time for us to tell the world that we’re it, together. I think I’m ready for that. I just have to tell you that I love you first. It’s such a stupid thing to be scared of. Not getting the words returned to you, especially thinking about the talk we had yesterday about creating a family together, but I am. It feels like a test I have to pass, one if I fail could end up killing me. I wish I had the nerve to just wake you up and say it, damn the consequences.”
Tommy shifts again, his erection pressing deliciously against Adam’s hip and it makes Adam shut up. Here he is all serious and so freaking in love that he spent his night gazing upon his boyfriend whispering some of the most treasured moments of their story to him, and said boyfriend hasn’t heard one word but a few suggestive caresses and the man responds immediately. Adam will never complain about how easy Tommy is, though, it’s frigging wonderful. A laughter bubbles in his chest and the rumble awakens Tommy.
Sleepy brown eyes looks at him puzzled. “Honey? Why are you awake?”
“I couldn’t sleep. I had a lot on my mind so I’ve been spending my night just looking at you.”
Tommy rubs his eyes with the root of his hands and moves a bit higher up on Adam’s chest. “I’d say it was creepy if it wasn’t my favorite activity when my insomnia strikes.”
“Looking at me?” Adam asks in wonder, catching Tommy’s gaze.
“Hmm. Are you gonna give me one of those awesome good morning kisses?” Tommy rolls off Adam and back onto the mattress.
The only sounds in the room are the soft whisper of sheets moving across bodies and they mix with the flicker of the candlelight when Adam takes Tommy’s lips in a slow, lazy kiss. The barely there sigh of contentment from Tommy gives Adam the sign to deepen the kiss. Licking into Tommy’s mouth, Adam moves to cover him with his body, and when Tommy moves with him it’s so easy, effortless the way they speak this ancient language. Soft lingering caresses and faint echoes of moans of pleasure and whispered words leave no room for the world outside.
When it’s like this he can draw the prettiest sounds from Tommy, the most wrecked ones. So Adam kisses and licks Tommy’s throat, all the way up to his ear, taking his time just to make Tommy roll his head to the side and bite his lips to keep the moans in. Adam steals those moans anyway with another deep kiss as Tommy’s hands ghost over Adam’s shoulders down his back, following his spine. A leg gets hooked around his and Adam matches the slow movements of Tommy’s hips.
It could end here in gentle, thorough kisses and lingering caresses; there’s no violent urgency yet like when they came home from Tommy’s mom a few hours ago. But Adam also loves it like this, this is where he can show Tommy just how loved he is and Tommy will let him.
He loves the feeling of Tommy’s soft chest hair on his lips. He laps teasingly at nipples and kisses his way down, his fingers tracing the outline of the ribcage when he reaches the curly pubic hair, and Tommy sucks in a sharp breath in pleasure. Adam loves it, he gets the same response when his hands span Tommy’s narrow hips and he kisses his hard length. Wantonly Tommy opens his legs further, gentle hands in Adam’s hair guide him and Adam takes his time, licking Tommy open until those hands curl up in fists and tug at Adam desperately. There are no more words just sounds, wrecked gorgeous sounds. Adam pushes gently at Tommy, making him roll onto his side before reaching for the lube. Spooning behind him Adam gets as close as he can, kissing Tommy’s cheek, licking the shell of his ear before trailing his fingers along Tommy’s cleft. Tommy lifts his leg and Adam takes his time, fingers working Tommy wet and open while they kiss deeply and playfully.
When he finally pushes in it’s slow, maddeningly slow. Tommy’s fingers dig into his hips, pulling him impossible closer. He takes a moment before he starts to move and when he does it’s like the kisses. Gentle, thorough and deliciously slow. He keeps them on the brink of orgasm but nowhere near pushing them over for as long as Tommy can take it. When Tommy starts to writhe and the hold on Adam’s arm across Tommy’s chest gets harder, when nails dig into skin in a silent plea, Adam complies. With hard sharp thrusts he gets them there, whispering endearments right until the moment where his lungs are too tight and their orgasms get drawn out of them long and liquid.
Boneless and sated he slips out of Tommy, earning a grunt before Tommy turns in his arms. Tommy cradles his face and presses a soft kiss to his lips. “I love you.”
For a moment Adam can’t breathe, only stare helplessly into Tommy’s eyes. A small lazy smile plays at Tommy’s lips as he stares back. Lost to the world, Adam swallows. “I love you too.”
Tommy snuggles close, resting his head on Adam’s chest and yawning. Adam can hear how Tommy’s breathing gets heavier as he gets close to drifting off to sleep again.
“I want to tell the world,” he whispers, not sure if Tommy will even hear him. “Is that okay?”
He gets a sleepy chuckle. “Was just waiting for you honey. Now get some sleep.”
Somehow, and Adam isn’t even gonna bother finding out how or why, mostly because he already knows deep down inside why, he’s suddenly very sleepy.