Title: The Silence of the Night.
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Word Count: ~20,000. This chapter: 1,765
Disclaimers: The people you might recognize in here are NOT mine. I'm not making any profit, I'm only doing this for fun. There's no way this ever happened and so on.
Beta: aislinntlc Thank you for all your wonderful help.
Type: Romance with just enough angst to make it good.
A/N: I had some really incredible cheerleaders on this fic!!! I love you all dearly! And I couldn’t have done it without you! So THANK YOU!!!
Summary: A candle flickers softly and helps making the sound of the rain drumming against the window cozy. The light from it caresses Tommy’s face on the pillow; shadows and light move together and Adam follows their caress with one of his own. A content smile tugs at the curve of Tommy’s lips as he drifts off to sleep.
Getting up on an elbow with a hand under his cheek Adam gazes at him, and before he can even think about holding it back he whispers, “You’re so beautiful.” Somewhere in Tommy’s subconscious the words must reach him because his nose scrunches a little, like he’s denying Adam’s words just as he would be doing it if he were awake. Adam’s smiles lovingly and because he knows it’s safe, that Tommy is too far into dreamland to really notice he continues.....
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Adam runs his hand up and down Tommy’s side without even thinking about it. It’s just a need to touch and it’s so deep it isn’t even conscious any more. Tommy smiles in his sleep, nuzzling Adam’s collarbone with his nose.
“We had The Night that night, didn’t we? You know, that night where you’re just finding out all your feelings are returned and you just can’t stop talking, touching… kissing. I remember us lying cuddled up in your bed; you sprawled across my body, almost the same as you are now looking up at me with those big brown eyes asking…”
“So we’re dating now?” Tommy sounds unsure and wondering. Much like he’s caught between being scared and hoping.
“Yeah, if that’s what you want,” Adam says and plays with Tommy’s hair, twirling it around a finger. “I’m still not sure I know exactly what you want from me.”
Tommy looks up at Adam. From where he’s lying, on Adam’s chest, and up through his lashes, his gaze looks a bit challenging, yet vulnerable. “You want me to say what I want?”
Adam kisses Tommy’s forehead softly. “I want us to stop not making sense. So yes, I want you to spell it out to me.”
The hand that was resting on Adam’s chest next to Tommy’s chin is moved up and grabs Adam by the neck. The touch is soft, loving, Tommy looks determined and his tone is firm. “I want to try this, to date you and I want it to be just us. No more twinks. I want to see if you and me. If we’re the real deal! Because I think we could be.”
“Just us? Exclusively?” The second the words leave Adam’s mouth, he knows it was the wrong thing to say because suddenly Tommy looks guarded and the hand on Adam’s neck begins to slide away. “You don’t--”
“Yes! That would mean you were mine, too.” Adam says quickly and tightens the hold on Tommy.
The tension leaves Tommy immediately. “I am. Have been for quite some time Adam, you just didn’t want to see it.” There’s no trace of blame in Tommy’s voice and his gaze is soft when it meets Adam’s.
Adam doesn’t want to dwell on or regret lost time, he wants to focus on now, but at the same time he feels like Tommy needs to know how special he thinks this thing they have between them is. “I was scared of ruining something perfect. What we have,” Adam smiles down at Tommy affectionately and lets a finger run down Tommy’s nose. “it doesn’t happen often you know?”
Tommy scrunches his nose and mock bites after Adam’s finger when it leaves his skin. “I know, I’m scared too. How about we promise each other that no matter what we stay friends?!”
“Yeah,” Adam whispers, eyes locked on Tommy’s lips. For a while they stay like that, silently watching one another. “I can’t believe you’re here, in my arms like this, as my boyfriend,” Adam says, tasting how the word rolls off his tongue. Fascinated, he watches the smile that spreads on Tommy’s face when he says those words.
“Delmy was right, you know?”
“Delmy?” Adam didn’t ever expect that name to crawl into this conversation and he doesn’t quite know what to make of it.
“Yeah, when she said that maybe it wasn’t exactly cheating, but it was pretty damn close, when we both wanted it. She was jealous and she had every right to be. I mean she didn’t know about me… but I guess she didn’t need to be told.” Tommy snorts out a giggle. “I told you I’m a bad actor.”
“I don’t know about that. You had me fooled. I kept doing all the wrong things because I didn’t know how to read you. And I honestly thought it was embarrassment that made you shy away from me when you came back from seeing your family.”
Tommy breaks the eye contact and returns to snuggling on Adam’s chest. He draws slow patterns on Adam’s torso, following hidden lines only he can see. “It partly was, though,” he starts. “I was ashamed because I tried to use you in a completely inappropriate way, it didn’t matter the feelings were there, it was still wrong. But more than anything it was about being rejected.” He pauses thoughtfully, long enough for Adam to start worrying if he’ll continue. Adam draws in a breath and Tommy’s gaze flickers up, telling Adam he isn’t done and then skitters away again. “I was giving up on making you realize I really wasn’t all that straight, and when I was home I had this long conversation about us, with Mike, and I was such a mess because of it. I came to the conclusion that I needed space to come to terms with the fact you didn’t want to be anything but my friend.”
Tommy’s hand stops moving and he looks up at Adam. He looks honest and completely open and without really moving he manages to get closer. Adam feels like he’s drowning in those brown eyes, in the power Tommy hands over so easily and in the trust and closeness that floats between them. It’s hard to believe that hours earlier they were fighting and hurt was the dominating emotion in the room. Tommy captures his lip with his teeth for a second before he goes on. “When I came back here I… it was so fucking hard not to fall into our pattern and just let you own me again. I had to keep fleeing from you. And when I talked to Mike on the phone he would ask about how I was, how things were with you, man I can’t count the times I lost it and just cried my eyes out.”
Adam’s chest feels tight, he doesn’t want to be the cause of Tommy’s tears, he never wanted that. “You were crying over me?” he asks softly.
Tommy frowns. “Yeah. Well, you, Dad, Mom, Lisa… all of it. Life is a bitch and then you die, or at least that’s how my life has felt like for the last couple of weeks.”
“Oh baby. I wanted to be there for you, so bad. I didn’t know what to do and when I didn’t want to wrap you up in a warm embrace then I wanted to kick your ass for being stubborn and pushing me away. I was so sure you needed a friend, and just a friend. I was so scared of messing up, so when I thought of dragging your tiny ass into my bed, I kinda got angry with myself and then with you, because you messed with my head like that.”
Tommy listens intensively, he’s nothing but focus and when Adam says the last part mischievousness sparks in his eyes and he pushes up on his knees and straddles Adam’s hips. “You wanna drag my ass into bed?” he asks right before he dips down to kiss Adam. It’s just a light brush of lips but it still makes Adam’s body hum with anticipation.
“You have no idea how much I wanna do just that.”
“Oh I think I got a pretty good idea.” Tommy moves on to kissing Adam’s jaw and neck. “So?” he asks between those slow, soft caresses of lips and tongue that Adam thinks borders on torture when they just made each other a promise to take things slowly. Adam feels like he should be the responsible one, before Tommy takes this further. “What happened to taking it slow?”
Tommy’s head drops to Adam’s collarbone and a groan follows. Adam laughs softly which pulls a satisfied sound from Tommy. “I love your laughter, the sound…” he runs a palm over Adam’s chest. “And the feeling of it.”
“Hmm.” Adam hums.
“Oh, are we telling people?” Tommy asks and sits up again. The heat from his ass against Adam’s crotch is beyond distracting. “You mean the band or?”
“I dunno?” Tommy says.
Reaching up to brush Tommy’s hair away so he can see him properly Adam asks, “Why don’t we just keep it between us for now?”
Instantly Tommy’s eyes darken and Adam says, “Oh no, don’t-- if you want to tell them we can do that! I just-- I’m trying to protect you here, I’m not trying to hide anything.”
“From our friends and family?” Tommy doesn’t sound angry, but he does sound like he doesn’t quite believe Adam.
“From the world,” Adam explains. “I just…we can tell the world when we knows this will work?”
Tommy smiles softly and nods once before he cradles Adam’s face with his hands. “It will, though, as long as we both want it to.”
Adam keeps Tommy’s eyes locked in his when and says sternly. “Slow Tommy. I don’t want things to back fire on you.”
“You do realize I’m not really as young and innocent as I look, right?!” Tommy playfully bats his lashes at Adam.
“They’ll know anyway.” It’s a statement and Tommy looks like he’d love for Adam to try to deny it.
“Who?” Adam asks instead of taking the bait.
“Everyone. They already think we’re together.”
Tommy looks smug and Adam knows it’ll bring fuel to his fire when he says. “Yeah, Neil actually said it to me today.”
Grinning, Tommy asks, “What?”
Adam huffs out a sigh. It’s more for the mocking effect of it than because he knows Tommy’s right. “That I was about to ruin the best relationship I ever had been in.”
That confession earns him a wide and sincere smile. “Really?”
Adam nods. “I reminded him we weren’t fucking around and he flat out told me that purely was because I was stupid.”
Tommy sucks in his lower lip, worries it for a while, his gaze locked on Adam’s. Then he caresses Adam’s face with calloused thumbs and says lovingly, “We were both stupid. Stupid and scared, we gotta be better at that whole communication thing.”
“Yeah. But we’re sorta good at the non-verbal conversations, though.”
“Like this?” Tommy asks and leans down to fuse their lips together. Adam’s eyes flutter shut and he’s not even surprised at the whimper coming from his own mouth when he parts his lips and lets Tommy in, lets him take control over the kiss, feeling his tongue delve in his mouth, tasting him. The sound makes Tommy deepen the kiss further and Adam kisses back with everything he’s got.
“Exactly like that,” Adam pants out when the kiss ends.