Title: The Silence of the Night.
qafmaniac made this gorgeous banner. Girl is made of awesome!!
Word Count: ~20,000. This chapter: 4,295
Disclaimers: The people you might recognize in here are NOT mine. I'm not making any profit, I'm only doing this for fun. There's no way this ever happened and so on.
Beta: aislinntlc Thank you for all your wonderful help.
Type: Romance with just enough angst to make it good.
A/N: I had some really incredible cheerleaders on this fic!!! I love you all dearly! And I couldn’t have done it without you! So THANK YOU!!!
Summary: A candle flickers softly and helps making the sound of the rain drumming against the window cozy. The light from it caresses Tommy’s face on the pillow; shadows and light move together and Adam follows their caress with one of his own. A content smile tugs at the curve of Tommy’s lips as he drifts off to sleep.
Getting up on an elbow with a hand under his cheek Adam gazes at him, and before he can even think about holding it back he whispers, “You’re so beautiful.” Somewhere in Tommy’s subconscious the words must reach him because his nose scrunches a little, like he’s denying Adam’s words just as he would be doing it if he were awake. Adam’s smiles lovingly and because he knows it’s safe, that Tommy is too far into dreamland to really notice he continues.....
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“I woke up by myself that morning, feeling utterly alone. I kinda hated you for it. You make me feel so strong, so easily, but at the same time you’re the only one that can leave me so defenseless and vulnerable. Damn I wanted you to hold my hand through it all. I know you did, very much indeed; I just wanted it to be in a different way.”
Adam is quiet for a while, listening to the rain and the soft huffs of breath coming from Tommy. He looks at the candle and back at Tommy before chasing that elusive shadow on Tommy’s cheekbone. “Hmmm. Thinking back on it, I know things took the right course but back then….”
Adam gently takes Tommy’s hand resting on the mattress between them, running his thumb over the valleys and peaks of the knuckles before entwining their fingers. For a second Tommy’s fingers tighten and squeeze Adam’s before going lax again.
Looking at their joined hands, Adam holds his breath until he’s sure he hasn’t disturbed Tommy enough to wake him. When he feels Tommy burrowing deeper into his pillow, far into sleep, Adam continues; “I was so frustrated and the fans and their vivid imagination sure didn’t do me any good. You, on the other hand, seemed so calm and at ease with all their speculations. It still took me so long to find the nerve to talk to you about it. I was so scared you’d say ‘yes I hate it, can you knock it off?’ because it was the only way for me to legally steal those touches I craved so much. I think it took me at least a month, maybe even two before I finally found a safe opening and even then it was still you that started it.”
“Oh my God, look at this!”
Tommy sounds overly amused and his eyes sparkle with laughter as he turns his laptop around right at the edge of the table and shows Adam the reason. On the screen is a poorly shopped picture of him licking Tommy’s neck. It’s so tacky and so fucking close to what Adam wants, that he gasps. “Oh. Um.”
Adam has no idea how to get his mouth to function and actually form words, but it doesn’t matter because Tommy inches closer to him so they can look at the screen together. Like it’s the biggest mystery on earth he says. “They’re really getting a kick out of this aren’t they?”
The heat from Tommy’s body seeps through their clothes and mingles with Adam’s and it relaxes him as much as it makes his body hum with sexual tension. Used to that by now and to the fact Tommy never seems to notice, Adam tries to open a conversation he’s been meaning to have for a long time but been too much of a chicken to actually have. “Yeah I guess. Does it bother you? I mean…”
Tommy whips his head around and glares at Adam like he offended him just by asking that. “No! If anything I’m flattered.”
Adam is flabbergasted, thinking he’ll never learn to understand the man beside him. “Why?”
Tommy bumps their shoulders together and the offended expression is replaced with playfulness. “Aww come on Adam. A beautiful man like you, having a ‘crush’ on me! I totally scored.”
“You, Ratliff are no ordinary straight guy.”
Tommy leans back on the couch and slides down a bit, looking like a cat that got the cream. “Thank God, I have no intentions of being that.”
Adam pushes the laptop further onto the table, making sure it’s safe before he shifts his body so he can look at Tommy. “No but seriously? You don’t think it’s a bit weird?”
Tommy sucks in his lower lip, keeps it between his teeth while he thinks of how to answer, totally unaware of what that does to Adam. “Maybe, but weird in the sense that I’m apparently in a relationship or at least fucking someone that I’m not! And that’s weird because people seems to think they know me, or you for that matter. I would think it was just as odd if they paired me up with Mia.”
Because that’s where his mind is and because he knows it’ll crack Tommy up he says, “You do realize you wouldn’t be fucking someone, right?”
Adam is far from disappointed when Tommy swats at him grinning. “You’re such a toppy fucker.”
They grow still for a minute and Adam takes a deep breath, thinking it’s now or never and mans up to ask. “Tommy?”
Adam feels Tommy’s gaze on him but he doesn’t return it. “Do you wanna deny it? I mean we could both tell them that it’s all in their heads. Join forces and conquer!”
Tommy snorts softly and the sound makes Adam look at Tommy. “Pretty sure they all heard you the fifty thousand times you’ve told them I’m straight. Let them think what they want Adam. You, or I for that matter, don’t owe anyone any explanations. What we do in our life belongs to us, not to the rest of the world. They can have all that happens on stage…but behind closed doors? Why let them get that much power? And I’m not just talking about the fans but the press, too…. I guess it’s a matter of privacy.”
Letting out a huff of air, relieved about the answer as much as the fact that Tommy takes this conversation seriously, Adam goes on to one of the more painful questions. “What does your girlfriend say?”
Tommy makes a little dismissive shrug. “What girlfriend?”
Adam fixes Tommy with a hard stare. “Tommy? Is there something you haven’t told me about?”
“Didn’t I tell you? Huh.”
“Do not play innocent with me, it won’t work.”
Adam gets the distinct feeling that he’s being avoided when Tommy reaches for his coffee cup, focusing on that as he blows the steam away. “It’s okay Adam, it wasn’t a big deal anyway,” Tommy says and sips the coffee, still not meeting Adam’s gaze.
Adam’s stomach twists because he’s pretty sure that wasn’t the truth. “But why? I mean why didn’t it work?”
Tommy leans back again and peeks above the mug in Adam’s direction before cradling the mug between his hands. “Just didn’t see things the same way I guess. Don’t worry about it Adam.”
“Did all this have anything to do with it?” Adam flaps a hand between them and the computer.
“Does it really matter? It’s over and done with.” Tommy sighs and puts the mug back on the table.
“Of course it matters! I need you to tell me why. Now.”
“I don’t wanna.”
Tommy crosses his arms across his chest and pouts. Normally that pout would get him anywhere with Adam, but Adam can’t shake the feeling that he’s responsible for the breakup and he wants to fix things if he can. A happy Tommy makes a happy Adam, period. “Well too bad, because you’re going to, Tommy. So spill it.”
The look of defeat is clear and Tommy sighs. “She didn’t like the leaning and… you know the stage gay stuff.”
He looks like he wants to start apologizing but Adam so doesn’t want to hear that. “Oh my God, why didn’t you talk to me about it, we didn’t have to do that.”
Something flares in Tommy’s eyes, something hot and passionate and he turns so that he’s facing Adam. “If I thought you were the problem I would have. You weren’t though. She was!”
Puzzled about the change in Tommy, Adam asks, “Oh. What do you mean?”
“That what happens on stage is for the stage! As my girlfriend she should trust that, right?”
Adam nods in agreement but has no idea where this is going. Frustrated, Tommy runs his hand through his hair and then waves it around. Adam wants to grab it and hold it still because it always distracts him when Tommy does that, and he’s pretty sure that whatever comes out of Tommy’s mouth next is important.
“It’s all good and fun and if I said you could do whatever, then I meant it and it’s my decision to make. She argued it was about trust but in reality it had much more to do with the fact that she didn’t want the world to think I was gay or bi or whatever.”
“Exactly, Tommy. You could just have told me-”
“No!” Tommy looks away and sighs. When he returns his gaze to Adam he also puts his hands on Adam’s knee, squeezing lightly before he goes on. “It’s not about you, it’s about her! So let’s say for arguments sake I happened to be gay or bi. Should that make her look at me differently?”
“As your girlfriend? But of course!”
“If I was gay, yeah I can get behind that but bi?! No! Because I had chosen to be with her.” Shaking his head Tommy says, “But let’s wait with the definition on the relationship; let’s say as another human being.”
Another squeeze. “Humor me.”
“Okay then. No.”
“Good!” Tommy looks so pleased with Adam’s answer it automatically makes Adam put his hands over Tommy’s, and he has to fight the butterflies in his tummy when Tommy links them together with an act so simple as putting his thumbs over Adam’s.
In a soft tone Tommy continues his explanation. “Because that was what it was about and I don’t want to be with someone that thinks that way, ever. And just for the record being bi still meant that I had chosen to be with her and what happened on stage…”
Tommy’s voice drifts off and he looks expectedly at him, so Adam says, “Stayed on stage?”
“Yeah. But she didn’t even consider that. So we were too far from one another to really make a good fit, you know?”
He gets that, he understands that Tommy’s sense of fairness was somehow violated and that he couldn’t be with someone who didn’t see eye to eye with him on such subjects. This is just one of the reasons Adam is going from having an innocent crush on him to slowly falling in love. “Yeah… I just... I want you to be happy.”
Rolling his eyes Tommy says, “I am! I’m with you, having the time of my life and living my dream. Couldn’t be happier.”
Wondering if it’s that simple, Adam asks, “You mean that, right?”
Tommy grins and his face softens in a way that makes Adam’s heart race. “I can’t lie to save my life. Yeah I’m telling you the truth. You’re stuck with me! Deal with it.” The last part is said into the crock of Adam’s neck and with Tommy’s strong arms around his neck in a fierce hug.
Laughing and with a light heart Adam mockingly responds with, “Oh well, it’s a tough job but someone’s gotta do it, so if no one else wants you, I’ll take you off their hands.”
Adam sighs dramatically and Tommy pulls back, playfully looking properly hurt. “Hey! I’m wanted.”
Grinning, Adam pulls Tommy back in his arms, squeezing him tight. “Whatever! You love me.”
“I do not,” Tommy says and snuggles a bit closer.
“I don’t know if you know it, but that day changed something for me; I guess that’s where I realized I was slowly but surely falling in love with you.”
Tommy smiles lovingly in his sleep and Adam stares at his face, briefly wondering if these small confessions resonate with him somehow. It’s a nice thought and it keeps Adam talking. “Danielle told me I was insane, hell even Sutan told me I was playing with fire. And all I could think about was getting one kiss, just one real kiss. There is a lot to be said about being obsessed and it took me forever to get that one kiss but look at you, so beautiful and peaceful next to me. I’d like to think that kiss has something to do with that.”
“Seriously?” Tommy asks, looking adorably doubtful at the pick-up-line Sutan just told him was a sure win.
The club is loud and the beat heavy, but it matches their mood after being on stage; it always takes a while for all of them to get down and eventually crash after giving their best up there. Adam scans the room and finds the bar easily, dragging the rest with him as he hears Sutan answer Tommy. “Yes.”
“Everybody’s got a phrase that works for them,” Adam throws over his shoulder and wonders what Tommy’s is.
Tommy’s laughing, “I don’t.” makes him spin around and give Tommy a quizzical look.
“Then what do you do?”
Looking like it’s the best kept secret in the world; Tommy tilts his head and says, “If I’m telling you then you gotta tell me yours. Deal?”
Adam wiggles his eyebrows and says in a suggestive and provocative voice, “I’ll show you mine if you’ll show me yours.”
Tommy throws his head back laughing but when he sobers he says, “Bullshit!”
Adam just looks at him, loving that he’s one of the few people that can make Tommy waver and doubt something as ridiculous as that if he just keeps his gaze captured. So that’s what he does, and he keeps his gaze blank. It doesn’t take long until he can see Tommy’s beginning doubt. “Seriously? That works?”
Sutan gigglesnorts and says to Tommy, “Oh my God girl, you’ve had Adam grinding that infamous cock of his against your ass on stage, you know that line could work.”
Tommy shrugs. “Touché.” Adam can’t quite deny the good feeling that single word coming from Tommy gives him.
“So?” Adam demands.
“Really? Okay. It’s more like a thing of mine…” Looking like he really thinks this is the dumbest conversation ever he says with a frown, “I guess I just look shy and yet flirty enough to make them interested.”
Adam nods, he believes that. “But no opening line that seems to get her to stay when you open your mouth? Not that that sweet valley accent isn’t doing the job.”
Tommy snickers and swats at Adam’s arm playfully. “It’s all about the eyes baby, eyes.”
“Show me?” Adam knows he’s stupid for wanting Tommy to say ‘okay babyboy let me try that on you’ but damn, that’s exactly what he hopes for, and the disappointment is palpable when Tommy agrees but doesn’t look at Adam. “Hmmm okay.”
Tommy looks around and smiles when his eyes meet the gaze of a pretty little brunette. Adam watches him hold her gaze and smile that shy yet oh so fucking flirty smile before looking away and turning his back on her. With a wink he asks Adam what he wants to drink and goes for the bar.
“So now what?” Adam asks when they’ve got their drinks in their hands.
Smirking, Tommy replies, “Just be patient.”
Sighing like he can’t wait for the night to end, Adam whines to Sutan, “I think we need to set a time limit to this.”
Sutan shakes his head. “No need Adam. She’s coming this way. Looking very determined.”
Tommy snickers again, and Adam wants to wipe that smirk off his face so badly his fingers are itching with it.
“Hi.” A tiny body gets between Tommy’s body and Adam’s, and Adam knows she has to be almost pressing her body against Tommy’s, because they were standing pretty close before and her body has no contact with his own. He grinds his teeth together and tries to chase the jealousy away.
“Oh wow, would you look at this girl,” Tommy says as he’s holding Adam’s gaze, challenging. He sounds like he has never seen anything quite this beautiful before and he looks at the woman and says, “Hello.”
“Buy me one of those?” she asks and Adam steps back, almost colliding with Sutan.
“Sure,” Tommy answers.
It actually doesn’t take long before the woman is leaning in and Tommy is kissing her. Adam can’t decide if he wants to stomp off or stay and watch. So he does the latter and while he waits for them to come up for air, it dawns on him that Tommy totally had a line and it wasn’t just about the eyes, it was about the smile and maybe even knowing which woman to pick because she sure seemed aggressive. Adam wonders if the woman may have been to the concert, if Tommy maybe recognized her, not that it counts as cheating or anything, but still.
Determined to get to the bottom of this, Adam puts a hand on Tommy’s shoulder, making Tommy turn his head up to meet his gaze. Adam leans in and whispers into his ear, “You had a line and you know it, now I dare you to try that eye fucking thing on the least likely person in the room, and make it work.”
Tommy’s body tenses and then shivers. His hand drops from the girl’s jaw, and clearly he’s forgotten all about her when he turns with a heated look in his eyes and says, “Really now?”
Nodding slowly and keeping their gazes locked Adam says, “Yup.”
Playing along, Tommy pushes the issue. “If this is a dare then there is a prize too, you know, for when I win.” Tommy sounds so damn cocky and sure of himself that Adam almost backs down.
But Adam has an idea and he wants a damn kiss from Tommy, a real kiss, not a flicker of a tongue or a quick lick inside his mouth on stage, so he only thinks about it for a second before he raises his eyebrow and says, “You can have my bed when we get back on the bus… for two whole nights.”
Tommy’s eyes widen. “And if I lose?”
“You’re giving me two of those famous backrubs of yours you’re always spoiling everyone else with.”
Tommy offers his hand and says, “Deal.” Adam takes it and they shake on it. Then Tommy leans in and says conspiratorially, “You do realize you just had to ask like everyone else, right?”
Adam almost retorts with an ‘I’d let you sleep in my bed too if you’d ask’ but he stops himself right before it rolls off his tongue. Instead he sticks it out at Tommy, who grins.
Looking out at the crowd Tommy says, “I guess you get to choose the girl?”
“Not a girl! Me.”
Tommy eyes flicker back at Adam, something fragile or vulnerable flashing in them, but it’s gone faster than Adam can name it.
“You?” Tommy asks, barely audible over the music.
“I’m the best test person ever.”
Tommy throws a look at Sutan. “Why not him?”
“Oh come on,” Adam says and puts a finger under Tommy’s chin, forcing him to look him in the eye. “One bat with your lashes and he’d be at your feet, that doesn’t prove a thing. Me? Yeah, I would make you work for it. That way if you win it’ll be deserved.” Adam knows he’s got Tommy right where he wants him; there is no chance he’s backing down from this challenge.
“You’re on babyboy!”
Smirking, Adam steps back, releasing Tommy. “Bring it.”
And Tommy does, he flirts shamelessly, bringing Adam to a painful edge and keeping him there, torturing him the sweetest way with sultry looks and other more subtle but oh so effective moves like licking his lips after taking a sip of his straw or letting his thigh brush along Adam’s when he moves forward to set the drink down. The way he melts into Adam’s body every time they touch. It’s way too easy to think Tommy wants this just as much as Adam does, so it takes everything Adam’s got not to cave in the first 5 minutes.
He wanted this, to be the center of Tommy’s attention, and he wants the damn kiss so much he can taste it, but even if it’s just pretend, a dare, then this game feels too good to end too soon and he knows he just has to lean in to get the kiss. Tommy won’t back down; he’s too competitive and way too keen on sleeping in Adam’s bed to do that.
“You’re playing a dangerous game babe,” Sutan whispers in his ear on the way to the dance floor.
“Shut up and let me have this,” Adam throws back.
With a look of something that resembles pity, Sutan says, “Just be careful.”
Adam sends Sutan a glare that could freeze hell over and Sutan tsk’s. “Just know that when you’re crying your heart out because of the straight guy, I’ll probably say ‘I told you so’ before wiping your tears gently away!”
“It won’t come to that.”
Sutan makes a little move that says he doesn’t believe a word of that and slinks off to dance with Sasha.
Somehow during the night, and completely because Adam can’t resists the way Tommy wraps him around his little finger, they end up in the corner of a booth, soft cushions underneath them. They’re both tipsy but nowhere near drunk, and Adam’s enjoying the way Tommy is snuggling close and looking up at him with a look that screams seduction, way too much.
Adam can’t, or won’t, wait any longer to feel those soft wet lips. With a low curse he catches Tommy’s gaze before returning it to his lips, and just as Adam leans down Tommy surges up and finally they’re kissing.
Adam forces himself to savor the kiss, and so he kisses Tommy slow and searching and Tommy lets him set the pace. The way they’re situated is almost unbearable because it’s hard to get the right angle and Adam doesn’t want to stop, doesn’t want it to end.
Tommy solves that by putting a hand on Adam’s chest and pushing him back while he himself follows Adam’s movement, and before Adam realizes it Tommy is on his lap, straddling him, and they haven’t broken the kiss once.
Adam licks the seam of Tommy’s lips begging for permission to deepen the kiss, and with a soft moan he opens to Adam. Soft, slow and wet slides of tongues mingle, discover and make it all so fucking good that Adam’s sure he’ll die if he never gets to be kissed like this again. Then Tommy sucks on his tongue and his right hand ends up on Adam’s throat, thumb right under his jawline, angling Adam to make it perfect. And it is! It’s so fucking perfect that Adam has to concentrate on not letting his hands wander and explore like his mouth does. To keep them from doing that he brings them up in Tommy’s hair, and when he does he draws the most sinful sound from Tommy.
Enough is enough and Adam ends the kiss panting hard, feeling like the earth just shattered under him. He doesn’t know if he should laugh or cry when Tommy rests his head on his shoulder and giggles into his neck. “I’m sleeping in your bed. God I’m gonna sprawl all over that thing.”
Adam’s hand is still in Tommy’s hair and he can’t help but to play with the soft strands, thinking about the sound it coaxed from him mere minutes ago. “I can’t believe I caved.”
Tommy lifts his head and looks at Adam; his eyes dart down to Adam’s mouth and he licks his own lips before saying, “Aww wasn’t I worth it? I was so sure you enjoyed it.”
There is no denying that, Adam has got the proof aching in his pants and with Tommy straddling him like this there is not much he can do to hide that. “I did, you’re a great kisser. But still… bunk!”
“Yeah, with you sprawling in my bed that pretty much leaves me with your bunk.”
Tommy sounds like that would be like committing high treason or something. “I’m not kicking you out of your bed! We’ve slept together before I wasn’t… you can stay.”
Adam wants that but at the same time Sutan’s voice rings clear in his mind. There is such a thing as playing with fire. He mock warns Tommy, “Careful Tommy! After kissing me like that I could assume you wanted more.”
Tommy plays along and offers Adam an innocent look. “Oh you mean I can bring a girl? ‘Coz I’ve got an itch after that kiss.”
Adam forces his eyes to stay on Tommy’s and not steal a peek to see for himself if that’s the truth and snorts. “No, that’s not what I meant.”
“Pity! The bed would certainly be big enough for it. Oh well, I guess I’ll have to settle for cuddles then, but if you can’t handle cuddling me then I am kicking you out of it… all that delicious body heat can’t be wasted in the same bed I’m sleeping in.”
“Cuddles?” Adam knows he sounds wary. He wants it, oh he does; he’s just not sure Tommy really does or if he’s just teasing.
“Cuddles!” Tommy says in a stern voice and as if it makes everything better he offers, “And I might throw in a backrub if you hold me all night.”
Adam swallows and considers it, he wants this almost as bad as the kiss and even more than the fuck, because that’s not even up for debate, so he tries to tone down his excitement . “Yeah? I like that deal. How the hell did you manage to make us both win on a dare?”
Giggling, Tommy replies, “I’m sneaky like that.”