Word Count: 21.810. This chapter: 4.857.
Pairing: Adam/Tommy (high school AU).
Warnings: Sexual content between teenagers.
Disclaimers: The people you might recognize in here are NOT mine. I'm not making any profit, I'm only doing this for fun. There is no way this ever happened and so on.
Beta: aislinntlc Thank you sweetie for all your help, I love you so much for it!
Type: Romance with just enough angst to make it good.
A/N: This fic is written for the amazing qafmaniac. I hope you like it bb and I’m so sorry it took me so long!! Title is mostly stolen from Roxette’s song: Just a little bit dangerous.
I had some really incredible cheerleaders on this fic!!! I love you all dearly! And I couldn’t have done it without you! So THANK YOU!!!
Please do not link/copy/share/whatever this anywhere. Thank you.
A week passes and Adam is heartbroken and it doesn’t help one little bit that he knows Tommy is just as messed up about this as he is. At first he tries to get Tommy to talk but he won’t. He just tells Adam he knows what to do.
They walk on eggshells around each other and it hurts, it hurts so much that Adam can’t even talk to Danielle about it. When he’s not at school he stays at home, alone, not wanting to see one damn person.
He wants to be able to be mad at Tommy, to rage that this perfect world of theirs shattered and left him numb. He can’t, though, because he know that if only he had been able to say fuck it to the world and had taken Tommy’s hand that morning, Tommy would have been curled around his body right this minute talking about all the things they could or should do together. Instead he’s lying there alone and miserable with his head buried in his pillow.
When there’s a knock on the door he suspects it to be his mom and mutters a “Go away.”
The door however squeaks as someone pushes it open. “Not gonna happen.”
Adam raises is head from his pillow and narrow his eyes, squinting at her. She doesn’t hesitate, she just walks right over and flops down next to him, giving him a hard glare. “Yes Adam. We need to talk.”
Adam moves into a sitting position, Mia’s tone worries him. “Is he okay?”
Mia situates herself so they’re face to face; her knees almost close enough to touch Adam’s. “What do you think? No he’s not okay, he’s hurt and he’s been crying. Crying, Adam. I’ve only ever seen him cry once before and that’s when he saw his dog get run down by a car and she died. He was eleven. What the actual fuck?”
Mia’s tone isn’t angry, it’s concerned and it makes Adam choke up. “I-”
Mia takes his hands in hers and looks at him. “I really, really like you and that’s the only reason I’m not kicking your ass. He’s convinced you don’t love him enough to show it in public. What I need to know Adam is if that’s the truth or if that’s his broken heart talking?”
Adam swallows and wills back the tears he feels threatening to fall. “I’ve never been in love like this before and I want him back. I need him back.”
“He thinks you’re ashamed of him.”
Unable to hold back the tears he wipes his eyes with the back of his hand. “I’m not. He’s the bravest, most amazing human being and I love him. But I’m scared Mia. I don’t have that ‘fuck your opinions of me’ way of thinking, I’m insecure and scared of what people think and I get hurt by mean words. I don’t want to but I don’t know how to change it!”
Mia scoots a bit closer and thumbs his tears away, gently holding his face and his gaze locked. “Sweetheart, if you let other people’s thoughts of you influence you too much, what’s gonna be left of you? How are you gonna know the real you?”
“What do you mean?”
“You can’t please everybody and you shouldn’t try to. You’ve got to love who you are and stay true to that; if you keep worrying about other people’s opinions of you, you give away parts of you that those people do not deserve.”
Adam shrugs and sniffles and Mia sends him a smile full of sympathy. “We all have our battles; do you think it’s easy for me to tell my dad, when he’s totally fucked up on drugs and I’m terrified he’ll kill himself if I turn my back on him, that I’m going to live with Tommy for a while? Because let me assure you, it’s not. But I do it because it’s the right thing to do, he needs me to do it and I need to do it for me as well. I have to convince myself that I’m worthy of a good life and that I can’t let Dad fuck it up. And you know what else?”
When Adam shakes his head, Mia goes on. “I have someone that loves me enough to pick up the pieces of me whenever I break apart. He’s affectionate, actually he’s about the cuddliest dude ever, he’s passionate and even obnoxious at times, he’s got the biggest heart and wouldn’t know how to manipulate if he tried to but I still end up writing an essay of his…. Or maybe even two, you know? Because he makes me feel loved, needed and wanted. Me? Of all people he loves me, and damn it if you aren’t lucky enough that he loves you too.”
“I know… and he does that to me too…. I’m me when I’m with him.”
“Do you like yourself with him?”
Adam isn’t too sure where Mia is going with this, but he knows the answer. “Of course, he makes me feel loved and accepted and….. comfortable. Like I’m enough.”
She nods and let go of his face but stays close. “The way I see it….. You got to make a choice; you’ve got to find out if that person, the one that feels like he’s enough, isn’t worth a little hassle. I’m not saying you won’t run into hateful people that don’t know better because you will, but my bet is it’ll be worth it and what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
“It could kill me. It happens, and gay kids take their lives because of bullying as well,” Adam says quietly for the first time ever, putting words to his fears and somehow that makes them crumble a little.
“It happens yeah, true…” Mia says thoughtfully, “but hiding who you are will kill you too…. Slowly it will drain your soul and leave you an empty shell of who you could be. And sweetie, bad things happens to people every day, you could die walking down the streets today…. It doesn’t mean you can’t leave the house does it? It means that when you do you take your brain with you and act accordingly to the situation because that’s all you really can do. You need to decide if what you and Tommy have is worth more than what you're afraid of, if you are worth more than what you're afraid of. And if that’s so then you go out, hold your head up and take it one day at a time and know that he's standing there right beside you, holding your hand, facing the same exact things you are."
Slowly Adam understands what she’s trying to tell him, and he feels an odd kind of release….. like something breaks free in him and flutters for the first time. “Yeah.”
Mia sees it dawn on him because she smiles a bit wider and squeezes his knees affectionately. “He’s worth the trouble, you’re worth the trouble. Love yourself enough to love him back Adam. He needs you just as much as you need him. Chose to be happy, not to be scared of ‘what if’s’ and stand up for yourself and Tommy.”
“Thank you Mia. I needed this.”
“Sure sweetie. I’ll talk to Tommy too and try to get into his head that you’re not ashamed but that you’re scared.”
“I think he knows.”
“He really doesn’t, Adam. He thinks you don’t love him as much as he loves you.” Mia gets off the bed and bends to press a kiss to Adam’s temple before she leaves.
“He’s stupid.” Adam snorts when she reaches the door.
“You both are. But you know what? You’re free to prove me wrong.” She winks and leaves Adam to his own thoughts.
Adam is dead set on getting Tommy back and he has a plan! A fucking plan. He knows Tommy will do his best to avoid Adam until their biology class but then he has to sit next to him. Adam also knows Tommy will be on his spot before he will so he can’t take Tommy’s hand and walk into class with their fingers entwined or sneak up on him by the lockers before class and kiss the hell out of him. So the plan is to at least hold Tommy’s hand out of class and into the halls before kissing the hell out of him. Adam is still a little intimidated, but when he’s honest with himself he knows he’s more scared of Tommy pushing him off and telling him he was too late, than anything else.
Of course Tommy fucks up that carefully laid plan. Or maybe it’s Mrs. Peterson that does but it might also just be life.
Adam has a whole belly filled with butterflies when he enters the classroom and sees Tommy by their table. Tommy is doodling something in his notebook; his hair that’s turning blonder day by the day is hiding his face from Adam. Adam sits down quietly and offers an equally quiet “Hi.”
When Tommy doesn’t answer right away Adam notices how Tommy’s shoulders are screaming with tension.
“Baby what’s the matter?”
Tommy’s head whips up and brown eyes burning with heat look at a stunned Adam. “The fucking world is what.” Adam swallows, Tommy looks pissed off, like, really fucking angry and that’s just not an emotion he had ever put together with Tommy.
Mrs. Peterson claps her hands and says firmly, “Attention up here please. Okay so today’s topic is homosexuality.”
There’s the usual complaining sounds made by an entire classroom filled with teenagers without any motivation to learn at all, but one voice rings a bit clearer. “Gross!” Frank says and though his tone is more mocking than mean it makes Adam cringe internally. But Tommy, he sits up straight and spins around to glare at Frank “Why the fuck would you say that?”
“Tommy! Language,” Mrs. Peterson says firmly but looks at Frank like she’d like to know as well.
Tommy grumbles at the reprimand. “Sorry, but I want to know.” And she nods in agreement, the whole class pays attention now, eyes darting back and forth between Tommy and Frank and Mrs. Peterson like they don’t really know what to think.
Frank looks like he wishes for the floor to swallow him whole and Adam can’t really blame him because Tommy looks demanding and impatient and so, so pissed. Clearing his throat Frank tries. “It’s just gross okay! The whole image of two guys making out or worse.”
Tommy lifts his chin and for a small guy his presence sure fills a lot of the classroom. “Why?” Tommy demands “love is love, gender shouldn’t matter.”
Frank shrugs and meets Tommy’s glare. “It’s just wrong.”
Tommy shakes his head in a ‘not good enough’ kinda way and Adam sees him throw a quick glance at their teacher. “I wanna know why it’s wrong.”
Adam can’t help it, he smiles, Tommy is not backing off and Adam has never been more proud to know this person, he can practically feel his heart expand with the emotion.
Tommy’s eyebrows go up and he looks like that is the dumbest thing ever. “Is up for interpretation!” he says, not even letting Frank finish. “There’s not one place in the bible it says ‘Homosexuality is wrong’.” Tommy does air quotes but that doesn’t chip the shield of power that seems to be around him. “That argument there is because you didn’t think long enough to come up with one yourself. So tell me why do you think it’s wrong?”
“I … it’s not natural.” Frank stutters and Adam is sure the absolutely fierce Tommy sitting beside him could intimidate just about anyone.
“Says who? Because I know I told you once before that homosexuality is known in over 400 species”
Frank looks at Mrs. Peterson quizzically, who nods and says “It’s true.”
“But homophobia,” Tommy continues, not slowing down his argument “is only known in one! And you know why? Because of ignorance.”
“And how about two girls, you find that gross too? I bet if we took a look at your porn stash there would be lesbian porn.”
Poor Frank doesn’t even have time to think, Tommy’s glare and arguments clearly leaving him on open sea. “Yeah but that’s different. That’s hot.”
“You think most straight girls get off on that?”
“I…. I dunno.” Frank’s voice is weak and his answer is stumbling.
“Exactly. You don’t know because you won’t think further than your own cock.”
“That’s not true, Tommy.”
“I’ve known you most my life, we went to kindergarten together and though we’ve never been close I’ve always put you in the friend category.”
“Yeah me too.”
“Would you call me your friend if I was gay? Would I disgust you if I kissed my boyfriend at the prom or in the halls?”
And just like that Adam knows exactly where the anger is coming from. He’s the reason, Tommy is angry because of the things he told Mia yesterday.
“Tommy,” He whispers but Tommy doesn’t respond to Adam’s quiet plea.
Frank looks puzzled. “Why would you ask me that? Do you? Have a boyfriend?”
“No.” Tommy shakes his head and Adam’s heart, the one he thought couldn’t hurt more than it already did, breaks all over again. “I did though. And I was in love… am I love with him… but assholes like you took that away from me.”
The classroom buzzes after that statement but Frank is the one that looks completely stunned. “I didn’t-”
Adam reaches out and grabs Tommy’s elbow wanting him to turn around and look at him instead of Frank but Tommy yanks his arm free and without even acknowledging Adam’s presence he goes on with his argument. “Yes you did! Because he is too scared of narrow minded people like you, judging or bullying him or even getting violent because of something he has no control over, to actually be with me and show me the kind of affection you show your girl when you’re in public places. And you know what?”
Frank shakes his head in denial. “It killed me, to sneak around like we were doing something wrong, that he was so fucking ashamed of wanting me that I broke up with him even though that is just as hard. So don’t you say you’re innocent because you’re not. Why shouldn’t I be in love and happy, just like any other person, just because the person I fell for happens to have a cock instead of tits? Can you justify that, honestly?”
“Tommy,” Mrs. Peterson says calmly. “That’s enough. You made your point.” She looks at him with a lot of empathy but that doesn’t stop his sarcasm. “Really? You think so?”
However, Frank still has something on his mind, in an apologizing tone he says, “No… I can’t. Tommy I had no idea I was just…. I’m sorry. Okay. I didn’t-”
In a ‘tired to the bone’ tone Tommy kind of accepts it. “Yeah okay but maybe you should think a little about how words affect people’s lives and then maybe, just maybe be smart enough to get your own opinions on things instead of just swallowing the easy solution the Bible is. Real living people is what counts.”
“Enough, Tommy,” Mrs. Peterson stresses at the exact same time Adam puts his hand on Tommy’s arm and says “Tommy.”
Once again Adam feels the rejection when Tommy shakes him off and he feels the worried look he knows Danielle is sending him. “Whatever! I can’t fucking stay here.”
When Tommy scrambles off his chair, Adam does the same and this time he makes sure to hold onto him. “Tommy.”
“What Adam? WHAT?”
The fury that burns in Tommy’s eyes almost covers the pain Adam knows fuels it, but Adam won’t let Tommy down this time so he doesn’t lower his voice. Fuck the world. “Please calm down. Don’t run out of here like that, don’t do what I did.”
Adam hears the whispering voices and for once in his life he doesn’t care that they’re about him.
“I’m not scared of these people Adam,” Tommy answers, his eyes are begging Adam to understand what’s going on here. “They’re just kids like us. Hate only has power if you let it and I own my shit, I’m just so fucking pissed off.”
Adam nods because he does know what’s going on and he’ll frigging prove it. “At me! You have every right to be and I deserve that, I do because I failed you, but baby, when are you going to get it into your head that I’m proud of you, I was so fucking proud to be your boyfriend? You’re amazing and I love you!”
Tommy blinks and then pointedly looks around before tilting his head, silently asking Adam if he has the slightest idea to what he’s doing. There’s also hope in Tommy’s eyes where anger burned seconds ago and it supplies Adam with more courage than ever. He tears his gaze from Tommy’s and looks around in the classroom, meeting all those curious eyes and then he loudly and clearly announces, “Yes! I was Tommy’s boyfriend. And nothing would make me happier than to get to call myself that again.”
He meets Tommy’s gaze and fuck it if he isn’t the cause of Tommy’s eyes watering again but Adam can’t really focus on that when Tommy reaches out, clearly hoping for Adam to take his hand. “You know what to do. You know what I want.”
You could have heard a pin drop to the floor, the tension in the room palpable.
“It’s still that easy?”
Tommy wiggles his fingers in a ‘God, hurry up and take my fucking hand’ way and Adam happily ignores it to close the gap between them. Right before he tilts Tommy’s head up to meet him in a kiss he whispers, “C’mere baby.”
And then they’re finally, finally kissing and after a week without Tommy-kisses it feels like coming home. The kiss is soft and tender and very sweet and decent but it still ignites the both of them as well as it breaks the tension in the room, and the air is filled with whistling and awww’s. Adam feels like laughing loud and bubbly but what comes out is a gigglesnort. Tommy hides his face in the crook of Adam’s neck and kisses it right before he suggests that they skip the last two lessons to make up properly.
Adam can’t get the smile of his face when Tommy packs his books in a hurry and slams his locker closed.
“Home, now.” Tommy grins and takes Adam’s hand and together they run down the hall, totally skipping the two last lessons like Tommy suggested.
The way back to Tommy’s home is a terrible mixture of pure and utter joy and a need to be naked and close right the fuck now, combined with knowing that they need to talk too. Like really fucking talk.
Adam has a million thoughts running through his head but every time he tries to put words on them Tommy either melts his brain with a long gaze and a happy knowing smile, or a touch that might look innocent to the people they pass on their way home, but Adam knows is anything but.
Also there’s the hurry in which they’re moving, it doesn’t really call for the kind of talk Adam knows they need to have.
Tommy practically drags Adam up the stairs and into his room. “God, I’ve missed you. Kiss me,” Tommy demands the second the door closes behind them, and who is Adam to deny him kisses?
So Adam does, and the soft moan from Tommy tells him just how much Tommy appreciates the teasing little nips before he slides his tongue into Tommy’s mouth, deepening the kiss and tasting him. Adam loves the way Tommy just opens and lets him control the kiss. He swallows the tiny whimper escaping Tommy when he presses him against the door, tilting his head with a hand on his throat and a thumb on his jaw, urgency running wild in his veins.
He wants to savor this, to make it last. He wants Tommy to really understand just how much he loves him. If Tommy doesn’t wanna talk right now; Adam sure as hell can try to show him how he feels. So he takes his time and makes the kiss about kissing, about Tommy, and it works because he feels how Tommy’s knees buckle and how he grabs Adam like he wants to climb him like a tree or wriggle into his clothes. Tommy’s hands roam Adam’s body, making it hard not to throw it all overboard and just go for it.
“Bed,” Adam whispers between kisses generously pressed along Tommy’s neck.
“Oh fuck yeah,” Tommy moans, but he doesn’t make any attempt to move other than to roll his head to the side and offer Adam more of that delicious skin. Adam licks a wet trail up again and plays with the silver in his earlobe, basking in the sounds he’s able to pull out of Tommy; he wants more. He backs away and with fingers firmly attached in Tommy’s belt loops, he pulls Tommy with him towards the bed.
Tommy grins and struggles out of his shirt before Adam is able to do it for him, but Adam is so not complaining about that because all that naked skin is just waiting for Adam to touch.
He pushes Tommy down onto the bed and Tommy complies so willingly and with a wicked smirk he lures Adam into another deep kiss. Feeling like he could get lost here with hands exploring Tommy’s soft skin, teasing a nipple and stealing broken sounds from Tommy’s lips, he lets his hands wander further south.
He undoes Tommy’s belt and slides his hands over the soft skin of his waist and hips. Tommy lifts his hips, a silent plea for Adam to get his pants all the way off, but when Adam isn’t moving fast enough Tommy breaks the kiss, panting “get ‘em off.”
“Bossy,” Adam murmurs between kisses down Tommy’s chest.
“‘m not,” Tommy denies breathless. “I just want…..”
Adam snakes his hands into Tommy’s pants and lets them wander in a slow caress as he slides them down his legs to his ankles. Tommy tries to help but it’s a poor attempt, and Adam laughs softly when he removes the last of Tommy’s clothes and then his own. Tommy is making it hard to focus on the task in hand when he’s spread out, legs open and a hand loosely wrapped around himself, lazily stroking as he’s watching Adam, brown eyes hooded with desire and love. Adam swallows and his eyes drop to Tommy’s hand, to the way his thumb works his cockhead glistening with pre-come before a down stroke.
“I want to . . .” he says, sinking to his knees in between Tommy’s thighs. Adam bites his lips and looks at Tommy. “Can I?” he reaches out to touch, the same time as Tommy nods and let his hand slide away from his cock. “Please,” Tommy says, and he sounds every bit as eager as Adam feels and Adam can’t stop staring at the way it looks. His mouth waters and he ducks down to take Tommy in his mouth. He slides his mouth around the tip. It’s hot and salty and Adam loves it. Tommy makes a broken noise and wraps his hand gently around the back of Adam’s neck, before it moves up in Adam’ hair. Adam follows the gentle guide to where Tommy wants him to be before he starts sucking in earnest, cheeks hollowing, loving the way Tommy sounds when he does that.
He knows he's lost in the scent of their arousal, the feeling of Tommy and the way he responds to every touch, and yet Adam still feels in control with Tommy writhing on the sheets. It’s him, Adam, that makes Tommy’s fingers twitch in the hair on the nape of his neck, that makes Tommy’s muscles tight and trembling under Adam’s hands, him that makes Tommy’s cock pulse with need between his lips and he can’t get enough off it. He feels like he can conquer the world.
“I’m…” Tommy pushes weakly at Adam and Adam haunches back on his heels. He watches Tommy as he rubs the last two strokes it takes before he’s coming.
“That was…” Tommy flaps his hand and Adam grins. “Awesome,” he says.
“Yeah. Come up here. Gimme a kiss.”
Adam crawls up Tommy’s body and his cock jumps when it drags along Tommy’s warm skin; he aches with need and he knows if Tommy puts his hand on him right now that’s all it’s gonna take before he’s coming too. It doesn’t stop him from rubbing against Tommy’s thigh, though. Tommy smiles knowingly and Adam let him roll them so Tommy is straddling him.
“You’re so beautiful,” Tommy whispers against Adam’s lips before stealing a kiss, then another and another.
Adam’s mind short circuits when Tommy finally loops his fingers around him in a light teasing touch. It’s maddening but not as much as when Tommy moves so he can go down on Adam. And gods does Adam want that sinful mouth on him. Tommy gives Adam’s cock a long lick from root to tip, flicking away the pre-come there. Then he sucks lightly on the head, looking up at Adam through his lashes. Tommy’s mouth is amazing, hot and wet. He’s riding Adam to the edge and keeping him there, stuck in that moment of agonizing anticipation. “Please,” he hears himself saying.
“Please what?” Tommy asks and Adam groans because he really didn’t want Tommy to leave him hanging.
“Please finish it,” Adam begs. “Please, please, please.”
Tommy smiles and bites Adam’s thigh delicately before sliding his mouth over Adam again. He sucks at Adam hot and hard, his hand working with his mouth until the orgasm hits Adam in a shower of sparks.
“Holy fuck.” Adam mumbles, his world just exploded in pleasure and it was too much and not enough. He’s pretty sure that it’ll always feel like that with Tommy.
Cleaned up and snuggled closely against each other, Adam finally says what was on his mind on their way home. “I’m so proud of you. I want you to know that.”
“Um…why?” Tommy asks quietly and rearranges so he can look at Adam. When soft brown eyes meet Adam’s, urging him to explain, Adam continues, “I… you’re one of those amazing humans that speak up. You never just say something to fill the air, especially not in the classroom but when you have something on your mind… Man you’re fierce!” Adam runs his fingers along Tommy’s cheekbone and down to trail the perfect cupid bow. “I think you’re a little bit dangerous to me, but I love you for it.”
Tommy frowns. “Dangerous? Why?”
“I mean that in the best way,” Adam assures him. “You make me want to do stuff that scares me. You make me want to feel free; you make me yearn for things. Things I am afraid to claim for myself but you make me want to be better… for me… and for you. You pull me right out of my comfort zone and into open sea. I was such a coward and part of me still wants to hide but I guess we’ll see if I can swim.” Adam looks at Tommy who seems thoughtful and he wonders if he should have been completely honest and told Tommy that the greatest danger to Adam’s heart is if Tommy suddenly decides that Adam isn’t what he wants.
He almost does but then Tommy starts to move so he’s lying on top of Adam. With his palms flat on Adam’s chest and his chin resting on them he says. “You’re not a coward, Adam. We all have things we fear and facing them head on is never easy and it’ll never be easy. But you can do this… we can do this. I just wish you had told me so we could have talked. Please don’t keep something like that from me, ever again.” Tommy sends Adam a challenging look.
“I won’t,” Adam promises.
The relief in Tommy’s tone is palpable and Adam can’t hold back his biggest fear. “Don’t leave me again, it’ll break me.”
“I’m here for as long as you want me,” Tommy says matter of factly, but softens it when he pushes up to kiss him tenderly.
“I can’t imagine I’ll ever stop wanting you. I love you,” Adam whispers.
Tommy gives him a searching look. “You really mean that, don’t you? That you love me.”
Adam nods, “I really do.”
Smiling Tommy steals another kiss. “I love you too. So much.”to be continued here...