Word Count: 21.810. This chapter: 3.834.
Pairing: Adam/Tommy (high school AU).
Warnings: Sexual content between teenagers.
Disclaimers: The people you might recognize in here are NOT mine. I'm not making any profit, I'm only doing this for fun. There is no way this ever happened and so on.
Beta: aislinntlc Thank you sweetie for all your help, I love you so much for it!
Type: Romance with just enough angst to make it good.
A/N: This fic is written for the amazing qafmaniac. I hope you like it bb and I’m so sorry it took me so long!! Title is mostly stolen from Roxette’s song: Just a little bit dangerous.
I had some really incredible cheerleaders on this fic!!! I love you all dearly! And I couldn’t have done it without you! So THANK YOU!!!
Please do not link/copy/share/whatever this anywhere. Thank you.
Walking home Adam asks, “Wanna tell me about the talk with your dad?”
“Um, yeah sure.” Tommy says. He’s the image of happiness and quiet calmness so Adam tries his best to look calm too. The truth is that he’s everything but that. Butterflies flaps around in his stomach, he wants to hold Tommy’s hand but doesn’t know if that okay. Not only because he doesn’t know if Tommy would want to or not but he also doesn’t want to smudge this with stupid remarks from strangers on the street. So to keep his mind off things like that he wants to talk. Thankfully it seems like that’s okay with Tommy.
“When Dad came home yesterday I was in my room, supposedly doing my homework. I was however totally daydreaming.” He laughs softly. “When he came up he took one look at me and asked me to join him in the garage. I was so ready to you know? Argue and everything, but he just pulled out two chairs and got us something to drink and then he looked at me, saying he’d talked to Mom and apparently you had been by earlier.”
Tommy looks at Adam and Adam gives him his best ‘go on’ smile.
Shrugging Tommy continues. “I sorta just waited for him to continue when he asked me if there was something I wanted to share with him. Just like that.”
“So you really talked,” Adam says, all happy for Tommy.
“We were in the garage for hours Adam. We talked about all kinds of things, but we mostly talked about music and dreams….. expectations and um….. you.” the last part comes out a little quieter and Adam’s butterflies go fucking crazy, and apparently they set off his heart to join the craziness.
“Yeah. I dunno, Mom and I are really close and yeah, I don’t really do secrets, Mom would see right through me anyway, so I told her about how you confused the hell out of me a while ago.”
“I confuse you?” Adam doesn’t know what to make of that.
“Not you as much as the being attracted to you, you know?”
“Oh. So your dad knows too.”
“Yeah, it was actually a terrifying conversation, but he loves me and wants me to be happy and he’ll support me no matter what, and you know? Mom probably did most of the footwork anyway.” Tommy chuckles.
Adam is still trying to wrap his head around it all. “Fuck Tommy! You told your parents!”
This time it’s Tommy’s turn to look surprised. “Yeah? Don’t your parents know?”
“Yeah they do, I mean not about you but about being gay and it took me forever to tell them and I was scared shitless.”
“Yeah me too.”
Adam doesn’t really believe that, he’s actually starting to think nothing will ever scare him. “But you just told them right away.”
Tommy stops in his tracks. “No, no I didn’t, it took me quite a while before I even told Mia.”
“But…but… I thought you said you only ever felt like this once.”
Adam doesn’t get it, Tommy had told him about a guy he was crushing on. So why would Tommy tell his parents all about him when there had been this other guy? Either his thoughts are painted all over his face or Tommy is a mind reader because he shakes his head and says, “Oh my God. Adam you’re the one. I’m not saying there is no other dude on the planet that can play those tricks on my mind and body that you do, I haven’t met everyone, but so far you’re it and it didn’t happen yesterday, it’s been a while you know?”
Like it’s the biggest riddle of them all Adam asks, “So you really want this?”
“Yes. So much.”
“So I can like kiss you goodbye before I go home today.”
Grinning from one ear to the other Tommy says, “I’d be disappointed if you didn’t. And don’t fucking break my heart. Mia will have your ass if you do.”
That makes Adam laugh and the awkward shyness disappears a little. He throws a quick glance down the road and finds it empty. “And what about holding you hand?”
Tommy reaches out and grabs Adam hand, entwining their fingers. “Finally! Thought you’d never ask.”
Adam feels like he could live on cloud nine when he gets home. Tommy Joe is his freaking boyfriend, how awesome is that?!
“Somebody is in a mighty good mood,” his mother singsongs when Adam can’t keep his face from breaking into one huge grin after the other.
“Yup,” Adam replies.
“Want to tell me what caused it?” Adam’s happy bubble bursts at that innocent question. His mom knows about him, but he is so not ready to share the giddy feelings with her and he doesn’t know why.
Adam shakes his head, “Naw. Not right now.” As soon as the words leave his mouth he knows he’s being stupid. Tommy’s friends know, Danielle knows, but he can’t tell his mom?
Later that night when Adam is curled up under his covers, his mind spins with heavy thoughts. He’s got a boyfriend, a real perfect and amazing boyfriend, a boyfriend that dyes his hair pink and answers back with a sassy comment when others are mean about it. A boyfriend that told his mom and dad about him and a boyfriend that Adam has no doubt will walk right into the classroom tomorrow and lay a kiss on Adam’s lips. Adam wants that kiss, painfully much but not in front of everyone, just the thought of it terrifies him and sends his mind on a downward spiral about bullying and gaybashing and oh my God how is he ever going to survive falling in love with someone like Tommy. Joy and worries pull in opposite directions and he doesn’t fall asleep until the early hours.
When the doorbell chimes the next morning Adam is no less conflicted. “Hey!” Tommy says and pushes past Adam before throwing his arms around him in a tight hug.
“Morning.” Adam loves this about Tommy, he’s so immediate and acts on how he feels. Adam wishes he could be like that, so carefree. He isn’t, though, but this, hugging Tommy warm and tight, that he can do and he wants it so much.
“Ready for school?” Tommy mumbles into Adam’s shoulder.
Adam shrugs and Tommy pulls back to look at him, but keeps his hands loose on Adam’s shoulders. Adam feels like squirming under that gaze, like Tommy could find a way into his soul no matter how hard he tried to keep him out.
“What’s the matter?” Tommy asks, the question is quiet and his eyes never leave Adam’s face.
There’s no way to make this sound cool or even somewhat good, so Adam just stumbles right into it. “Um… I… can we keep this… us.. to ourselves?”
“What do you mean?” Tommy tilts his head and Adam hates the worry that sneaked in to his voice and even more so when Tommy lets his hands fall down to his own sides. He misses the warmth, the connection immediately.
“Just… I don’t want people staring or make cruel comments. I just…. I don’t want to ruin this, to make it dirty.” Adam reaches out to touch Tommy, to take his hand because it feels wrong not to have that connection when his body tingles all over just from having him this close.
“Oh… um, okay. So you don’t want anyone to know?”
“Yeah, I mean obviously your friends do and Danielle knows too and I want that, I do want our friends to know…. I trust our friends…. Just not the rest of the world.” In that moment Adam would have given his right arm to know what Tommy was thinking, because he looks so very thoughtful, chewing on his lip and looking at their linked hands, but he can’t and he feels a bit like he’s left in the dark until Tommy releases a barely audible sigh and softly says, “We gotta work on that then, because I kinda want to shout it from the roof tops.”
“Just not now okay?” Adam asks timidly as he meets Tommy’s gaze.
Tommy shakes his head. “I can wait a little to do that… it’s just… I’m really into you, like, really fucking stupefied crazy in love with you and I want to brag to everyone that’ll listen that Adam fucking Lambert is my boyfriend.”
Tommy’s words and the force he puts behind them makes Adam’s poor heart stop and then try to race the fuck out of his chest. Adam cups Tommy’s chin with a hand and crushes their lips together in a hard needy kiss. “Fuck Tommy.”
“Sure. But school first.” Tommy grins and Adam’s brain leaves him altogether because, really? That’s a possibility?
Adam spends the next month being ridiculously happy, in love, it’s awesome. There’s not a thing he would change if he could. Tommy stops by Adam’s house every morning so they can steal a couple of kisses and walk to school together. He absolutely loves sitting next to Tommy in biology classes with knees bumping into each other, stealing small touches that look completely innocent to all the others and then share knowing smiles, like they have the biggest and best secret in the world. He knows Tommy doesn’t want to hide his feelings, so when they’re sitting at the table at lunch with Danielle and sharing food and snacks it feels so good that she knows and that they can talk about ‘them’, that Adam happily ignores the nagging feeling that it won’t be enough for much longer.
No, he would rather think about how Tommy fits, how they want the same for their futures or how even their fucking zodiac signs are perfect matches. There isn’t one thing in the world that can convince Adam that Tommy isn’t made for him.
Like now when they’re making out on Tommy’s bed after school and Tommy’s body feels like it’s perfectly sculptured to match his and Tommy is warm and willing and fuck, trembling underneath him.
“I….. I’m close, please Adam.” Long fingers dig into muscles on Adam’s back and they lock gazes, Tommy looks so beautiful, sweaty and needy, all because of him.
Adam moves his hand faster, curled around the both of them; their hard flesh and slippery wet, velvet soft skin against his hand is making exquisite and obscene sounds as they pant into each other mouths, too close to orgasm to kiss properly.
“Nhggg.” Tommy’s hips raise from the mattress, his back arches as the tension in his body uncoils and he’s coming in hot spurts over Adam’s hand and cock, and if Adam wasn’t already joining him that would have gotten him there. Tommy is fucking hot like that.
“I love you.” is whispered softly at the shell of Adam’s ear, long fingers move soft and languid through his hair and no, there isn’t a single thing Adam would change. His life is nothing but awesome.
“I love you too baby.”
Adam rolls off of Tommy and gets a washcloth from the bathroom and cleans them both. Tommy still looks blissed out, pink hair fanned out on the pillow, body boneless and pliant, a sleepy dazed look in his eyes as he watches Adam. “C’mere,” Tommy whispers and scoots over to make space for Adam, lifting the covers as an extra invite, not that Adam needs it. “We’ve got time to cuddle before anyone else comes home.”
Adam crawls right in and seconds later Tommy is sprawled across his body and Adam tucks the cover over them. They kiss lazily and it’s so good Adam never wants it to stop. Who knew having a boyfriend could be like this?
After a while Tommy sighs and asks softly. “Adam?”
“When are we gonna stop hiding this?”
There is no denying the sadness or want in Tommy’s tone. This isn’t the first time Tommy’s brought it up and it pushes Adam’s guilt button. To make up for the words he’s about to say he runs his palms soothingly along Tommy’s body, trying his best to let Tommy know he wants this, him. “I… I don’t know… I need a little more time; I just don’t want to ruin our perfect little world by letting mean words smudge it.”
That earns him another restrained sigh. “I just…. Could you at least tell your family? I’m pretty sure they already figured it out.”
“I’ll talk to Mom soon, I promise.”
Long dark lashes fan up and Tommy’s brown eyes search his own. “Thank you. It’s just… I don’t want to be a dirty little secret and it’s not like they don’t know you’re gay at home.”
“You’re not a dirty little secret, Tommy! Well you sorta are, but you’re special to me and I don’t want to share with the world.”
Adam gets a smile and a half and he knows that despite Tommy saying, “Okay.” he is gonna have to stop being scared because it hurts Tommy.
Adam does tell his mom and there is an immediate reward. His mom wasn’t exactly surprised and was happy that Adam finally fessed up and it made him happy, maybe even a little bit peaceful.
And Tommy practically beams when he comes over, after hearing Leila yell at Adam that his boyfriend was on the phone, and then he grabs Adam by the wrist and drags him into his room and shuts the door before dropping to his knees and giving Adam the first blowjob of his life and Adam has to muffle his own moans with his hand, because Tommy’s mouth, warm and wet is sucking him, his rough hands keeping him against the door and his hips still while his evil and sinful tongue laps at him and it is fucking glorious and over way too soon.
Tommy wipes a bit of Adam’s come off the corner of his lip with a thumb and says with a hoarse voice. “Imagine what could happen if you kissed me at school!”
And Adam does imagine and he does wanna do that but he’s scared and why can’t Tommy see that? But he’s not going there and certainly not when Tommy hasn’t gotten off; he’s not that kind of boyfriend.
“I’d rather think about repaying the favor,” he says, because he really, really does want to do that.
Tommy answers with a smirk and then he thumbs open his jeans, slowly walking backwards until his calves hit Adam’s bed. And oh my God, how did Adam get this lucky?
Over the next month Adam tries his best to work up the nerve to at least hold hands with Tommy at school or something like that, because damn it! He really wants to show Tommy off just as much at Tommy wants with him, but he can’t let go of the anxiety. He freaks every time.
Adam jumps when Tommy sneaks up on him from behind and whispers “Hi.” right before he smacks a quick kiss on his cheek. Adam damn well near drops his books that were supposed to go into the locker. And he can’t hide the fact that he checks if someone saw Tommy do that. The pained sound coming from Tommy hurts, but he has no idea how to fix it. So he settles on a “Hi.” It’s fucking stupid.
Danielle’s chipper voice make both their heads turn. “Hi guys.”
Tommy hugs Danielle and Adam suddenly realizes that Danielle isn’t Adam’s friend anymore, she’s their friend and Tommy makes it even clearer when he asks her. “Hey could you tell Adam that it’s okay to kiss his boyfriend?”
Danielle sends Adam one of those looks that says ‘man up’ as well as it says ‘I love you’: Adam will never know how she manages both at the same time. “Adam you can kiss your boyfriend, that’s kinda the point in having one.”
She isn’t exactly quiet when she voices her opinion and Adam hisses. “Shhhh. I wanna do that, all the fucking time, just not here with half the school watching.”
Judging by the look on Tommy’s face Adam just made a terrible mistake saying that or using that tone, because his face goes blank, but his eyes can never hide how he feels and hurt is shining in them. “I gotta get to class, I’ll see you in Biology,” Tommy says before fleeing down the hall.
“Damn it Adam! Why won’t you let him kiss you?”
Danielle punches his shoulder and Adam rubs it because apparently she meant it. Adam feels ashamed, he hurt Tommy and Danielle is making it worse. “I just… it doesn’t feel right, here.”
“Hmm. Have you ever seen me hold back?” Mischief plays in her eyes and it lifts the mood a little.
A smile tugs at his lips because she really doesn’t hold back. “No, but that’s different.”
“Because you let it be,” Danielle says and squeezes his shoulder and making a silent apology for hitting him.
Adam catches her gaze and keeps it, he’s so not kidding. “No, because every day someone gets beaten to death for being gay.”
He’s nowhere near ready for her laughter. “Oh for crying out loud, we all know you’re gay! Have you ever gotten close to getting beat up?”
“No they don’t and no, you know I haven’t.”
“Trust me, they know. I’m not sure they know about Tommy because he used to date girls, but they know about you, sweetie. They do.” She shakes her head at him in that ‘you’re so dumb’ way she’s been using since childhood and it makes him feel small but it doesn’t convince him she’s right.
Later that day Tommy stays on the threshold to Adam’s room and drops a bomb on Adam. “I think we need a break.”
Adam feels like his world might be ending, he can’t even get off his bed to go greet his boyfriend properly. “What?”
Tommy grabs the doorframe and Adam absently notices he’s holding on so tight his knuckles turns white. “I…. can’t do this… I can’t hide. I refuse to let you do that to me. I feel like I’m dirty, something not worthy of showing off. I love you, I want to be with you, but it hurts too much and I just… I can’t Adam.”
Adam simply can’t understand the words coming from Tommy. “You want to break up with me?”
“I dunno if you can really call it a breakup when it wasn’t official.”
“It.. I… I told my mom…. Neil knows, Danielle and all your friends! You’re my boyfriend.”
Tommy doesn’t look at Adam even though Adam does his best to capture his gaze, and his voice is so small and hurt that Adam wants to cry. “I can’t be that Adam. Not when you won’t even hold my hand unless the streets or halls are empty.” Finally Tommy looks up and Adam sees something precious and fragile in his eyes, he sees Tommy’s love, and maybe it’s even for the first time he really recognizes it for what it is, and it’s painful because the love there is completely mixed up with pure pain and Tommy should never look like that. “You say you won’t share me, Adam….. well guess what! You’d never have to because I’d be yours, sharing a boyfriend is about monogamy not about who knows. And you’d never have to share if you really wanted me. Never.”
“Tommy please don’t do this, I love you,” Adam begs and tears starts to make his eyes blurry.
“Prove it. Hold my hand down the hall tomorrow, fucking kiss me at the lockers and then I’ll believe you. But I doubt you can do that for me.” Tommy’s voice is barely a whisper and Adam sees he isn’t the only one crying. There’s only a few feet between them but it feels like the gap might have been the Grand Fucking Canyon.
“Prove it, Adam. It can’t be that hard. I’m going home. I’ll see you tomorrow at school and I hope I get to go home with a boyfriend that isn’t ashamed of me.” Tommy sniffles and turns around to leave.
“I’m not ashamed of you-” Adam tries but Tommy isn’t stopping, he’s still walking away, down the hall. Adam can hear the soft sounds of his steps but he’s too shell-shocked to actually move, to try and stop him.
There’s no answer just the sound of the front door quietly clicking shut.
To Adam’s surprise Tommy shows up the next day just like always, though he doesn’t come in and there’s no good morning kisses. Adam wants to cry. A heavy loaded silence makes every step to school harder and Adam tries, he fucking tries to just grab Tommy’s hand and twine their fingers together but something about Tommy is making it even harder than it would have been the day before. He seems like he’s unreachable.
Tommy doesn’t once ask him to do anything, he just walks beside Adam, eyes on the pavement and lip caught between his teeth.
Entering school is even worse because Adam fucking knows that when Tommy has put his mind on something then that how it’s going to be, he’ll enforce it with that strong stubborn and calm way that somehow just works, and Adam is running out of time and he’s never been this nervous before.
Tommy follows him to the lockers and leans up against the one next to Adam’s, huge brown eyes follow his every movement hopeful but oddly distant too.
Adam looks around, there’s people around them everywhere and Adam’s heart pounds so loud it feels like maybe those people should be able to hear it. “Tommy…” he tries weakly.
“I figured.” Tommy’s soft disappointed voice filters through all the other noises. “See you around Adam.”
When Tommy pushes off the locker Adam reaches out, the panic he feels coloring his voice. “Tommy, please.”
Tommy doesn’t look at Adam, though. Instead he slams a fist in a locker followed with a pissed off “Fuck!” that startles the people around them and then he pushes through the crowded hall and Adam’s heart fucking breaks.
“What was that about?” Danielle asks curiously.
“I just lost my boyfriend.” Adam can barely say it, it hurts so freaking much.
“What?” Danielle shrieks.
“He gave me an ultimatum and I couldn’t….” Adam runs a palm over his face, trying to hold back the tears he feels pressing in.
“Great! Like I didn’t feel bad enough already.”
Danielle must hear his despair because she hugs him, surrounds him with comforting warmth. “Oh sweetie. Talk to him.”
“No Danielle, he’s right you know… he deserves better than me.”
“No, but he’s not unfair, either.”