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20 June 2011 @ 02:30 pm
10 days meme...day one  



I stole this from I_glitterz. But I know she won’t mind! ;-)

 

I grew up in a house where love was a taboo. My mother never told me she loves me and in huge parts of my childhood she wasn’t even able so show it either. I grew up with violence and mental sickness (and with that followed a drug abuse, mom, not me). And only a handful of friends knew it, knew me.

I get insecure when I don’t know what people expect from me. When I can’t read them. Because of my childhood I’m actually very good at reading people, so when I can’t it completely throws me of guard.

I hate when people say “I told you so”. Let me make my own mistakes and be there for me when I triumph or when I fail. Let me put words to MY experience and listen instead of judging with such a phrase. But I never say it out loud when I get that comment I just think it. It’s actually stupid of me.

I want to make a living out of horses again. I want to be a professional equestrian again. It’s my biggest dream……and I’m too much of a chicken to do something about it. It could have a huge impact on my family if I went for it again.

I adore time for myself (and I really need it) and sometimes when I really crave that alone time, I wish that my family would just go away….and as soon as I think that! I get all sad and angry with myself…..because I love my family and I really got everything worth having in my life….so why do I need time alone and why can’t I just be content with what i got? I feel greedy when I want alone time.

I love thunderstorms!! I love the force of power the lightning’s and the fresh air that follows. But mostly I love thunderstorms because of my younger brother. I have so many fond memories of us watching them as children. I think of my brother every day. I miss him every day.

I once got a marriage proposal from an ex-boyfriend…… only ever told one person about that. And it isn’t my husband. ;-)

I’m happiest when people just let me love them, when they don’t question why or if I want something from them…because I rarely do. I just have love to give from. And I’m happy when people let me do just that.

I’m loyal to the point of stupidity. And I take me forever to realize it when it’s abused. But I also think it is one of my best sides.

I love dogs. And I miss having a dog in the house but I really really don’t want a dog right now, and the rest of my family wants to get one….and as usual I can’t find it in my heart to deny them anything…so we’ll probably soon get a dog….and I’ll adore the fucker! ;-)

 


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Current Location: Home, Denmark
Current Mood: blahblah
Current Music: Bon Jovi. Wanted dead or alive.
 
 
 
moodwriter: Tommy_kissmoodwriter on June 20th, 2011 03:58 pm (UTC)
Like you, I don't know what to say, but I want to let you know that I've read this, and that many of these things resonate with me. And I completely understand the need for time. I'm like that too.

*hugs* You're so sweet. <333333
lovenhardt1: ilulovenhardt1 on June 20th, 2011 05:43 pm (UTC)
*hugs you too* Yeah it's a mouthful. You don't have to say anything. I am who I am because of the events that helped shape me. I love myself and for some reason I'm lucky enough to have people in my life that loves me and accepts me with all my flaws.
I guess these 10 secrets are like 10 huge pieces of the puzzle that makes me.
My need for time alone... it's where I analyze things and find the bright spot in a bad situation, where I turn it upside down and look at things differently. And sometimes I just empty my head and think of nothing of importance. My family and friends all know this and they all accepts it.
LOL..well I guess we're two sweeties here then!!
<3333 Kia
i_glitterz on June 20th, 2011 05:51 pm (UTC)
This was beautiful Kia...you're very strong for writing this and I'm so proud of you...things we both have in common which represents how strong of friends we are and will be..we connect and I love you for having so much love to give..you're an amazing person and just..my soul mate :) Muah!!!

Hugs,
Tori<3333
lovenhardt1lovenhardt1 on June 21st, 2011 11:48 am (UTC)
Oh bb. Thank you! I have come to terms with my past...and that is just what it is...my past. We do have a lot of things in common but what I love the most is that we share the same strength and love. I am proud of you too, in a way you'll understand later in your life. We do connect and you give me so much love in return for mine. Thank you for being here for me, for loving me back!
I promised you an e-mail but my e-mail is down and probably will be for a couple of days. *sigh* Sorry!!
Just know that i appreciate every little information this meme is giving us.....
I love you. Hugs, Kia
lady Di on July 14th, 2011 05:48 am (UTC)
<333
awww *hugs*......this brought tears in my eyes....I especially loved this part "I’m happiest when people just let me love them, when they don’t question why or if I want something from them…because I rarely do. I just have love to give from. And I’m happy when people let me do just that."
much love to you Kia <33333333