lovenhardt1 (lovenhardt1) wrote,
lovenhardt1
lovenhardt1

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10 days meme...day one




I stole this from I_glitterz. But I know she won’t mind! ;-)

 

I grew up in a house where love was a taboo. My mother never told me she loves me and in huge parts of my childhood she wasn’t even able so show it either. I grew up with violence and mental sickness (and with that followed a drug abuse, mom, not me). And only a handful of friends knew it, knew me.

I get insecure when I don’t know what people expect from me. When I can’t read them. Because of my childhood I’m actually very good at reading people, so when I can’t it completely throws me of guard.

I hate when people say “I told you so”. Let me make my own mistakes and be there for me when I triumph or when I fail. Let me put words to MY experience and listen instead of judging with such a phrase. But I never say it out loud when I get that comment I just think it. It’s actually stupid of me.

I want to make a living out of horses again. I want to be a professional equestrian again. It’s my biggest dream……and I’m too much of a chicken to do something about it. It could have a huge impact on my family if I went for it again.

I adore time for myself (and I really need it) and sometimes when I really crave that alone time, I wish that my family would just go away….and as soon as I think that! I get all sad and angry with myself…..because I love my family and I really got everything worth having in my life….so why do I need time alone and why can’t I just be content with what i got? I feel greedy when I want alone time.

I love thunderstorms!! I love the force of power the lightning’s and the fresh air that follows. But mostly I love thunderstorms because of my younger brother. I have so many fond memories of us watching them as children. I think of my brother every day. I miss him every day.

I once got a marriage proposal from an ex-boyfriend…… only ever told one person about that. And it isn’t my husband. ;-)

I’m happiest when people just let me love them, when they don’t question why or if I want something from them…because I rarely do. I just have love to give from. And I’m happy when people let me do just that.

I’m loyal to the point of stupidity. And I take me forever to realize it when it’s abused. But I also think it is one of my best sides.

I love dogs. And I miss having a dog in the house but I really really don’t want a dog right now, and the rest of my family wants to get one….and as usual I can’t find it in my heart to deny them anything…so we’ll probably soon get a dog….and I’ll adore the fucker! ;-)

 


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