Title: The only exception 4/5
Ratings: PG to NC-17 depending on the chapter
Word Count: 3719 (this chapter)
Disclaimer: This isn't real. It's make believe, just for fun.
Warnings: Angst, cursing, sex.
Summary: Some times the road is really long and painful but so worth the bumpy ride.
Authors note: I ship Adommy and this is an Adommy fic. In real life I am all for Adam's and Tommy's happiness. No matter who they might choose to be happy with! I am NOT hating on Sauli, not even in this fic!
Beta. My wonderful friend I_Glitterz, Thank you so much honey.
Tommy was watching Adam saying goodbye to every single person in the Glamily, they had played in London the night before and now the band was on its way home, Adam was going to Paris with Sauli for the next fourteen days.
Tommy was relieved as well as terrified. He needed time apart from Adam, needed to figure out how to handle all these feelings, he needed to find his own two feet again, to feel in charge of his own life, but the thought of Adam, in Paris with Sauli, was so painful that he wanted to cry. Adam seemed happy which only made everything worse……. He wanted Adam happy, more than anything, but the images….
Adam was looking over the shoulders of Brooke; he had her in a tight hug. Whispering something to her, she laughed in return and let Adam go. He made his way over to Tommy, he didn’t exactly know how to say goodbye to him, didn’t really want to let him go back home without coming with him. Their gazes locked, Tommy’s brown eyes were full of softness and something Adam couldn’t put his finger on. Adam swallowed, clearing his throat before speaking. This was killing him, the thought of not being able to see Tommy when he wanted to, not feeling the tingle along his spine whenever Tommy was around, was devastating.
“Can I hug you?” Adam’s voice had a fragile edge to it, like he was scared. Tommy hated that sound, it pulled at his heartstrings. He smiled softly trying to take the pain away from Adam.
“Of course you can, wouldn’t want it any other way,” Adam stepped closer, wrapping his arms around Tommy’s shoulders. Tommy let his arms surround Adam’s waist, resting his head on his chest. He could stand like this forever.
“I’m gonna miss you so much Tommy,” Adam whispered.
Tommy closed his eyes, hiding. From Adam, from himself, from everything. After a minute he released his embrace and stepped back.
“You’ll have fun, you’ll be with Sauli,” Tommy looked away searching for Isaac.
“Is it okay if I call you?” Adam took Tommy’s hand, let his thumb trace over Tommy’s knuckles. Tommy swallowed.
“Anytime you want,” God, why did he say that. He needed to get Adam out of his mind, not endorse Adam time. Isaac was right; he sure did set the standard for stupidity. Adam tried to capture Tommy’s eyes, but he kept staring away.
“Tommy…. I….” Tommy frowned, and finally he met Adam’s gaze. He sighed heavily; he wanted this to be over with, he needed to be alone for a while, just him and his thoughts.
“I know Adam,” he tried his best to smile, but he knew that it didn’t reach his eyes and that Adam wouldn’t be fooled.
“Do you? Because I really don’t think you do,” Adam let out a sound of frustration. How could he explain, when he didn’t even know the words. How confused was he aloud to be before the world stopped turning. Damn it, Tommy made his head spin.
“Don’t Adam, not now. Have fun and I will see you at Jingle Ball,” Tommy gently pulled his hand from Adam’s. The loss of the warm feeling from Adam’s skin made his heart hurt. He should really leave, the others were watching them and Tommy didn’t want to deal with nosy questions later in the airplane, no matter how well meant they were.
“Tommy….” There it was again! That plea in Adam’s voice. This time it pissed Tommy off, why the hell couldn’t he just let him go, why did he have to keep playing with him?
Without a look on Adam’s face he turned around and left. If he had seen the expression on it, he might have saved himself from a lot of pain, but he didn’t.
Tommy was in his seat on the airplane, he had got a place by the window and he was looking out without seeing a thing, his thoughts wrapped around Adam. Isaac sat down in the seat next to him. Tommy turned and smiled when he saw who I was.
“Why didn’t you do as I told you, it could have been you, going to Paris with him,” Whoa, in my face, why don’t you? Tommy looked out the window again.
“Isaac please, I’m really not in the mood for this,” Tommy sounded exhausted. Isaac just looked at him, waiting. Tommy could see him reflected in the window, he sighed. Isaac wouldn’t leave it, Tommy knew that.
“Fine! What if he doesn’t want me??”
“He does,” Isaac smiled. Tommy turned to face him. Gotta love Isaac for his enthusiasm.
“So let’s say he does. But as much as I want him, I am not sure how I would feel if I actually did get him.”
“Need more info on that!..... is it the sex?” Isaac looked like curiosity and genuine care was eating him up.
“No….. I mean. First it freaked me out a little, but mostly I think it was the idea of being attracted to a guy….. well it just took a little getting used to……but now I am thinking, that part will work itself out…. Sex is sex.” This was so typically Tommy, that Isaac had a hard time not bursting into a laugh. But this was a time to be serious. So he creased his forehead and asked instead.
“So what’s the issue?” Tommy looked at his chipped nails, they needed a repaint. He took his time before saying what was on his mind. This wasn’t easy.
“How did you know that Sophie was the one, how did you know that everything was going to be okay …… I don’t know how to explain….. I am so scared of losing him that I will settle for friendship…… what if I fuck it up? I’ve never been good at relationships……what if I can’t make him happy? Will he end up hating me then?” Isaac sighed, damn you Tommy Joe. This is just dumb.
“So we’re back to you not being good enough,” sounded a little annoyed.
“No, but what scares me is what happens if there is no ‘happily ever after’, how am I supposed to survive that when I can barely breathe now and I only left him thirty minutes ago??!” Tommy palmed his face, admitting that this was how he felt, even to Isaac was like pulling teeth out.
“There are no promises to life Tommy; you can’t go through life being scared of living it…….. Okay you wanna know about me and Sophie….. I was scared too, but the thought of being without her was so much worse that the thought of commitment. And then you work on keeping it good and real, I’m not gonna lie, sometimes it is hard. Fucking hard, but mostly it is pretty spectacular! I love her, it is that simple,” Tommy raised his head and saw the love Isaac is feeling for Sophie in his face. It made Tommy smile, feel good. This is what he wants, to feel at ease with love and relationship.
“God Isaac, I think I am in love with him, like really, really in love with him!” He just said it!!! God it was out there now.
“YOU THINK, WOW! DIDN’T SEE THAT ONE COMING!!!” Isaac laughed loudly.
“Don’t be an ass,” Tommy did his best to look hurt, but damn it felt good to joke about it. Liberating.
“You really didn’t realize before, did you?” Isaac asked with a kind smile in his eyes.
“Well, it is the first time I say it out loud!” This was a huge deal and Isaac knew that.
“So…. How does it feel?…To say it?”
“Don’t know. I will have to come back with an answer to that later. Now, leave me the fuck alone!” Tommy was half serious and half joking about it, Isaac realized that too. He tussled Tommy’s hair and left him to his own thoughts.
The next two weeks, Adam calls Tommy every day. They talk about everything and nothing; the only thing that never gets mentioned is the third person standing between them, or the feelings that are eating them both up. Talk about a huge pink elephant in the room. Tommy tweets Adam when he hears about the Grammy nomination but otherwise he does his best to not think about Adam.
The thing is that Tommy longed for those conversations, for Adam’s voice. He craved those precious minutes that easily turned into half an hour. But he also feared them, the feeling off loss that follows them. Because when they end Tommy feels so alone. So he decides to go see some old friends, it would be good for him. Catching up. And it is, he feels how he settles in his own skin again, feels free to breathe again.
Tommy is spending his day with an old friend. Anne. They have been talking about everything that has been going on in their lives the last six month except Tommy’s feelings for Adam. They’ve watched movies while talking and cuddling. It feels good to be near somebody again, safe. It feels good to be the one a warm body cuddles against, even though it hasn’t been his position over the last half year.
They totally lose track of time, but that is very much them. They are just caught up in that special place their friendship is. At some point Tommy’s stomach begins to growl, Anne laughs and looks at the clock on her wrist. It is late. Very late, no wonder they are hungry. They set off to the kitchen, Anne has promised to make tacos, her specialty. Tommy promised to help – well at least to set the table. And now he is in trouble, big trouble, he promised her candlelight earlier, it is an old joke from when they first met, and she will never forgive him if he doesn’t find those damn candles. He is roaming through his drawers swearing and giggling like an insane person, because there will be hell to pay if he doesn’t find them, he hears the phone, doesn’t even think about it before shouting.
“Can you please answer that? Kinda busy here!”
“Sure, just find them, or I will fucking send you to the store for some,” she laughs as she takes Tommy’s phone off the kitchen table. She looks at the display. Adam.
“I know!! I’m sure they……” Tommy smiles while he opens another one to go through. Damn it he was sure they were supposed to be there.
“Tommy’s phone, this is Anne.” Her voice is filled with laughter as her eyes follow Tommy around.
“Hello….Adam here…..is Tommy…” Adam’s voice is soft and a little unsure.
“Hi Adam. Heard sooo much about you. Nice to finally talk to you!!” Tommy yanks his head up and looks at Anne. Adam. How could he forget it was about that time? Anne gestures at him letting him know she wants him to continue the hunt for candles.
“He will be ready to talk in a minute, that is when he has found candles AND makes them shine beautifully on the table,” She said with a sugar-coated voice while eyeing Tommy, willing him to go on; he sighs and picks up the chase.
“Oh…Candles?” Adam asked guardedly.
“Hmhmm. You know when a girl cooks for you, the least you can do is make sure she gets a little candlelight,” the laugher in her voice is catchy and Adam sounds entertained and withdrawn at the same time. Like he really can’t believe what he is hearing.
“That sounds about right…..what time is it?...”
“Close to midnight,” Anne smiles and it travels overseas to Adam.
“Kinda late for dinner, isn’t it?” the guarded tone is back, but Anne doesn’t know Adam, so she doesn’t hear it. Instead she goes on with laughter.
“Not when you’re a vampire!”
“Sweetie you lost me!” Adam smiles a little, she can hear that.
“Tommy’s sleep rhythm is like mine… we used to say we were vampires!! And we kinda lost track of time earlier, and now we’re hungry, I’m making the poor boy tacos, gonna win him back after you had him for six month in Europe!” she looks at Tommy, that victoriously holds up two candles. She gives him a thumb up. He goes to put them on the table.
“That’ll do the trick,” Adam assures her. And this time, she hears that the laugher is gone.
“I know, he is so easy. He will never know what hit him. But I am willing to share when you get back home, I’m not possessive!” she tries to explain, trying to get the smile back in his voice.
The candles are now lighting up and Tommy is reaching out to get his phone, he almost looks demanding.
“Oh, here is your boy,” she hands over the phone.
Tommy’s voice is low and almost seductive when he finally talks to Adam. He can’t help it, just the mental picture of Adam almost make him purr.
“Hey Adam,” Anne sends him a puzzled look. This was unexpected.
“Hi Tommy, having fun?” Adam sounds a little sarcastic but Tommy ignores it. He is happy, and he doesn’t want that ruined.
“Yeah, it’s good catching up. Missed her bony ass, AND cooking, something about a girl that knows the way around my kitchen.” He blows Anne a kiss as he says that. Tommy’s happiness doesn’t go unattended. Adam is almost hissing. Because it fucking hurts.
“So you’re dating?”
“I wouldn’t call it a date,” Tommy is still smiling, he senses the jealousy, doesn’t exactly recognize it, but sense it. The kitchen is filled with delicious scents, he is a little tipsy, he is with Anne and Adam fucking Lambert on the phone, life doesn’t get much better than this.
Tommy doesn’t quite know what that means, so he let it pass and instead he asks.
“When are you back, tomorrow? Do you need a lift from the airport?”
“No, I’m fine. Lane got it under control….. I miss you,” Adam sounds like he actually does, because his voice gets intense, bringing Tommy a tingling feeling along his spine, he shivers.
“Miss you too,” Tommy clearly can’t hide the way he feels, because Anne sends him a certain look as she offers him a spoon with her homemade taco filling.
“Have a taste!! Is it good?” she demands in a low voice as she eyes him suspiciously. Tommy opens his mouth and let her feed him. His eyes roll in awe.
“Mmmm, oh God I am never letting you out of here again. Sooooo good,” She leaves to turn off the heat and transfer the dinner on to plates.
“Busy?” Adam asks and there it is, the jealousy. Tommy hears it loud and clear. He smiles and butterflies fill his stomach. He will see Adam tomorrow, and Adam is fucking jealous. Life could after all get better.
“Kinda,” he says because it is the truth, not because he wants to play any games.
“I’m gonna let you get back to Anne then, maybe I get to meet her someday?” Adam says trying to sound cool about the whole thing, failing miserably.
“Tomorrow actually! She is coming with me,” They had made plans for that earlier tonight; when Tommy was sure he needed somebody to take his focus away from Adam. He didn’t need to make a fool off himself, again.
“I see….” Adam says.
“Doubt that!” Tommy whispers to himself.
“Nevermind. I’ll see you tomorrow, can’t wait,” That is the `honest to God´ the truth.
“Me too,” Adam ends the conversation. Tommy almost wants to kiss the fucking phone, because there was something about the way that Adam sounded tonight that really set his body on fire.
They don’t see each other at all before they have to get on stage. Tommy is nervous, and he doubts the feeling that he got after talking to Adam yesterday. Maybe Adam was just tired, maybe it didn’t mean anything. At all.
Tommy feels like he is losing his mind. He is so close to him and can’t touch. That kills him, and turns him on, so very much. He hates this, doing Fever and not getting to kiss, if he just had been able to enjoy one fucking kiss, he would survive. The fact that they haven’t talked before the show, haven’t even giving each other a hug, makes Tommy all tense and jumpy. When they get off the stage, Tommy hurries to find Anne, before he does something utterly stupid, like throw himself at Adam. He fucking needs a hug and some reassuring kind words. She got the whole Adam story during dinner yesterday and she will make him feel better. Put some fucking courage in his twisted heart to do this the right way.
Adam is right behind Tommy, trying to stop him before he runs off, but he stops when Tommy pull a girl into his arms. She looks at him with so much love and care and hugs him back with dedication. He tells her something and she releases her grip on him, look over his shoulder and smiles at Adam. She says something to Tommy that Adam can’t hear, he nods and leaves her. She walks toward Adam with warm expression on her face.
“Hi Adam,” she offers him her hand, he takes it.
“Hello, you must be Anne!” she nods.
“So where did Tommy go? He was running of like the devil was on his tail,” Adam tries to laugh, but even though Anne doesn’t know him, he can’t pull it off.
“He wanted to change, but I am sure he would love it if you had the time to go say hi, he missed you, you know?!” Adam tilts his head, looking somewhat suspicious.
“How long have you two known each other?”
“Don’t know, maybe ten years. Why?”
“Just asking, you seem close,” she smiles. Tommy wasn’t alone in this, that’s for sure.
“We are! But don’t worry, I’m not a threat. Been there. Done that. Better off as friends,” Adam’s lips curve up a bit. God, was he what transparent and glasslike? Oh what the fuck, maybe he hadn’t lost Tommy completely. And that would be pretty awesome.
“Go. Say hi. I’ll go meet the others,” And then she was gone.
Tommy hears the knock on the door. He expects it to be Anne so he just yells that the door is open. She has seen him half naked before, hell naked before. Not a problem. But fuck, it wasn’t Anne entering the room. It was Adam.
Adam closes the door behind him, a little click made it terrifyingly clear to Tommy that they were alone, in a small room. He swallows as they stare at each other.
“Hi,” the sound coming from Adam’s lips is hoarse.
“Hi,” Tommy tears his gaze away looking for his t-shirt because he suddenly feels naked, even though it is the only piece of clothes missing. Adam’s gaze wanders down every line of Tommy. God damn, he is beautiful. Tommy finds his shirt and pulls it over his head and as his fingers runs down his stomach to straighten the shirt out, his eyes meet Adam’s again. They are burning in a darker shade of blue that he has ever seen, and it’s making Tommy tremble. He bites his lips and shifts his weight, feeling uneasy. Adam follows every little movement. Fuck it, fuck being scared, fuck that they have to work together, fuck Sauli. Fuck it all.
In a blink of an eye Adam is holding Tommy’s face between his hands and he moves Tommy’s face upwards. Tommy licks his lips again; the anticipation of what to come is so overwhelming that he can’t move. Adam lowers down and finally their lips brush, it is gentle and searching, Adam is asking for permission, and who is Tommy to deny. Adam let his tongue trail along the curve of a lip. A moan escapes and Tommy loses it, no longer frozen, he claims Adam’s mouth, sucking and licking. The kiss gets wet and sloppy as their hands roam across bodies. Adam pushes Tommy against the wall and Tommy tries to get even closer, pushing a leg between Adam’s. Tommy is so turned on that the only thing in his hazy mind is that Adam clearly feels the same need. Because that is Adam’s hard on rubbing against his own and fuck that feels so good. Adam breaks the kiss to explore Tommy’s neck. Littering kisses everywhere. Tommy’s fingers are in Adam’s hair tucking gently, leading the way.
“God, I’ve missed you the last fourteen days,” Adam whispers. And that is when sanity kicks in. Tommy’s fried brain start to function again, and he let go off Adam’s hair. Instead, he puts his hands on Adam’s chest, pushes him back a little, trying to capture Adam’s eyes. He succeeds and Adam looks confused and impatient.
“What?” Adam asks softly as he tries to get back to kissing Tommy’s neck. Tommy holds him back and in a quiet voice he asks.
“Sauli?” Adam tense immediately and he won’t meet Tommy’s gaze. Tommy closes his eyes, he need to be sure; it is all or nothing, so he asks.
“Did you break it off, Adam?” when Adam doesn’t answer, he opens his eyes and search Adam’s face for the answer. Adam feels more than sees Tommy’s look and he knows that he messed up pretty bad. Tommy moves away and crosses his arms across his scrawny chest, he bites his lip again.
“Adam?” it is Adam’s turn to hide behind closed eyes, he fucking hates himself right now.
“I…” but he knows there is no way to explain it to Tommy.
Tommy walks towards the door, turn the door knob and push it up.
“Get out,” Adam opens his eyes. They are filled with sadness.
“Tommy I..” Tommy won’t look at him, can’t, that is.
“Get out Adam, now,” Adam sighs and slowly he walks out, leaving his heart behind. Tommy closes the door and sinks down to the floor, and for the first time he lets himself cry because of Adam.